I am currently watching/listening to a show on VH-1 Classic that profiles a classic album per show. This time it's Nevermind by, of course, Nirvana. God, I love that album. It really never gets old. And the guy who produced it, Butch Vig, said that whenever Kurt resisted doing something like doubling vocals, he'd bring out the John Lennon reference "Well, John Lennon used it" and Kurt would go along with it. Heh. I already loved Kurt but that makes me love him even more.

Now, what should I really be doing right now? That's right. Writing in my NaNo novel. But I'm so stumped and frustrated and I would almost start over but I'm over 7000 words into it. So I'm not doing that. But really, I just want to take it darker and I'm having a hard time doing that. Mainly because when I take it there, then I'll feel the same thing my character is feeling. And I've had a hard enough time these past several days that I really don't need that.

I got called down for some things at work and it's taken me a few days to come to grips with it. Saturday night I drove home from work seriously depressed about life. It's the whole "my life is crap. I can't go through this again. Not again. What would it be like to just run my car into a phone pole?". But if one does that, then you know you've really lost it. Plus, you either die or are seriously injured. The former, I don't want. The latter, well, it's very inconvenient. But it's that feeling of just wanting to really show them. Make them regret talking about me behind my back.

Then..on Sunday (for the most part..it wasn't really overnight), I just decided to just try to do my best and act like it was no big deal. Sometimes acting is all you can do. Sometimes acting makes it so. And it kind of has. Most of my resentment is gone. I'm still a bit paranoid but I gotta handle that.

So yes, the dark side visited me this weekend and I really don't feel like visiting it in my story just yet. But I'm so sick and tired of how my characters are going. They're boring me.

Oh, one of my favorite songs is now on the special "Something in the way". Just haunting.

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