I just can't seem to make myself stop eating crap food. And it isn't just a nibble or small handful. It's the eating and eating of it.

I want to do the spark.com thing. I even bought the book. A friend of mine has lost 40 pounds since the middle of summer. And she really raves about it. I did actually sign up on the site at the end of summer when I first heard about it. But I can't bring myself to go on there. It's like I don't want to change. I don't understand. I mean..I do want to be healthy and slimmer, of course, not that I would ever be skinny. I just feel like I'm giving up a part of myself if I don't have this food to rely on. I've struggled almost all my life with it. And I can't get myself to just go to the damn site and look around. Or even crack open the freakin' book. What the fuck?

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