So what do you think it means when I see Jay sign on to MSN messenger and I change my status from away to online and then he promptly signs off? What the hell does that mean, I ask you!? I tell you what it means. It means boy don't wanna talk to me ever ever again.

Here's a little bit of backstory for you. I met Jay online through playing Trivial Pursuit online. This was back in 2001. But it seems like a long time ago. Not just two years. We played games together and im'd all the time. We were essentially best friends but closer than that. Not sexually but ya know what I mean. The thing is is that he's about 14 years younger than me. But the things I was going thru in my head were not that different from when I was his age. So I could relate alot to him. And he listened and encouraged me in his own way.

Thru the prompting of another online friend, Kristin in San Diego, I decided to go up to Canada to visit Jay. I left from my family reunion which again was in Virginia (we have them every two years). I drove up to Toronto and spent several days hanging out with Jay. Jay is a cutie but shy. He's also sarcastic and funny. But also immature which really is average for his age. My time there was fun and worth the drive and money. We closed down the Muddy Moose pub several times. ..good times.. I can't look at Labatts in the grocery store without smiling.

Sooo..I came back in to the good ol' USA two days before 9/11. I loved Canada but was glad to be in the country during that time.

Anyway. I continued talking with Jay afterwards. But after the beginning of 2002, less and less. I don't know if it was combination of conflicting schedules or what. So in May 2002 I told him I wasn't going to have a computer for a while and he understood. I had planned on visiting him again soon but what with rent and all, that was out the window. Again, he understood. I emailed him using my parents' computer during last summer but I don't think I got anything from him. I'm pretty sure about that. I sent him a Christmas card. Still nothing. I haven't talked with him for over a year now.

Everytime I see him online, which is rare, I want to IM him but..I don't. I don't want to play games but I guess its just time to give up. If he wants to talk with me, he will. Or maybe one drunken night I'll IM him. That's not beyond the realm of possibility, believe me.

Something I got from Jay that I use in conversation quite often, is the "On purpose?" line. Like, someone says "Yesterday I was listening to Wang Chung" and I say "On purpose?". That's actual dialogue from Kathy's husband. It stopped them both short and then they cracked up. Try it yourself. Its fun!

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