I wanna blow you ..away [ 2004-08-22, 8:28 p.m. ]

I don't know how the hell I've almost gotten through this day. I got about 2 1/2 hours of sleep last night. Worked 7-3:30pm and then went over to my parents to wash clothes and eat dinner (beef stew,which I have the leftovers of in my fridge right now.Yay!). I have Six Feet Under to watch in a little bit and then I shall try to go to sleep. Luck to me!

Sometimes I feel so sad for my father. He has a friend,C., who is so fucking delusional. And my dad is one of the most gullible people you will ever meet and apparantly has very little cynicism in his body. I'm not going to get into the specifics of what a fucking nutbag C. is but basically he's conned my Dad into believing that C. has a bunch of money coming to him soon. He's been saying this for 21 fucking years. I kid you not.

And my Dad continues to,for the most part, believe him. All this time. My Mom reminded me that the person who usually kept my Dad grounded was his brother,Bobby. Unfortunately my Uncle Bobby died 14 years ago. He was really my Dad's best friend. My Mom and I try to put sense into my father's head but its a losing battle. My Mom is halfway convinced that C. is similar to Russell Crowe's character in A Beautiful Mind. He's convinced himself that all this bullshit is real.

I'm hoping this phase of my Dad believing C. will fade once he sees that nothing will come of it once again. I'm also sad that my Mom is having to deal with knowing that my own father is building castles in the air. They aren't real and you can't live in them. My Dad needs different friends and more common sense. I would cry for him but I'm all cried out about this for now. Its been too long.

I know my Dad's life didn't go as he hoped. Lots more failure than successes. I don't want to be his age still believing that instant money will come to me. If I want things I'm going to actually go after them. Lottery tickets are fine but those are wishes. Not some crazy forgone conclusion in my head. (Not that I buy lottery tickets since I'd have to go across the S.C. border to do so)

I'm done rambling about this for now. Its just frustrating and ultimately sad.

Tomorrow is the weekly manager meeting,a bit of clothes shopping (I'm in desparate need and that's not exaggeration), new work shoes (I have holes in the sole of one shoe) and hopefully a movie or two. I'm going to need some rest for all that activity.

Johnny,Angry Johnny,this is jezebel in hell (that was for clashluver and the-book-bag)

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