The elephant in the room [ 2005-01-07, 12:23 a.m. ]

Last night Kathy called me. And I realized that there was something majorly wrong. She started telling me that there was a guy a year and a half ago who promised to help her in her acting career. First off, there is no acting career. This guy is supposed to be famous. She told me that he held some big showcase for her where all these important people showed up. And while she was in the bathroom she overheard some women saying that famous guy would make her successful and then would demand sex for it.

So she's telling me she regrets that she didn't pursue her acting. And that famous guy had been stalking her for a year or so. She's convinced herself that he put mircrophones in the house to overhear her and Robert's conversations. She also had emailed me asking if I still wanted to pursue my singing career. That she knew this famous singer and she could mention me to this guy.

Talking to her on the phone really was upsetting. She told me that her therapist believes she is delusional and has put her on medication. But it obviously isn't working. Her husband has never seen this stalker guy but Kathy claims he's just denying it. Plus, there was another guy who had supposedly helped get famous guy to stop stalking her. And now she feels like she's attached to this guy. And I know in my heart that he doesn't exist. None of this does. Its frightening to think of her living in this huge lie.

I wrote her husband an email today when I got home from work. I saw that I had an email from Kathy stating in one line that she wouldn't be visiting me at the end of the month. I think she realized that I knew something was very wrong. I wrote Robert that I was very concerned and to let me know if I could help or if he just needed to somebody to talk to he could email or phone me.

He emailed back pretty quickly. He seemed relieved to know that I was out there. He knows how delusional she has been. He says she goes in and out of of rationalility. He knows that the woman he married is still in there though. He's going to talk to her eldest brother face to face at my suggestion. He was going to call but was afraid of the brother reacting too strongly. That's why I think in person would be better for this kind of conversation. The brother doesn't live too far away from them. Maybe a 45 minute drive or so.

So I kept thinking about this whole thing last night. I posted on my message board about it and somebody suggested that it sounded like schizophrenia. So I looked at a few books today about it. Her symptoms strongly suggest paranoid schizophrenia. That really scares the crap out of me. Treatment isn't always successful. I'm not saying I'm pessimistic but that I know it will be a huge uphill battle for her and Robert.

I ended up getting an hour and a half of sleep before going to work this morning. I kept watching Seinfeld shows on the dvd I got from Netflix. Anything to keep me from fixating on this whole thing. I feel helpless. I just want her to be happy. I thought she was heading that way when she got married to Robert. He's a great guy. But this has been building for a long time, I guess.

Kathy has been my friend since junior high. That's over 26 years. I've always known that she was a bit fragile. Low self-esteem. But she's kindhearted and was always fun to hang around. We had similar interests in music and could talk about anything. But that phone call last night was like talking to a stranger except for the one moment when I got her to talk about her cats.

I don't want to make this about me. But I really just don't know how to handle this. I think more reading on the subject could help me. And I have to compartmentalize this huge sadness I feel. If it stays forefront in my mind I would just cry my eyes out. As it was, before I left work today, an hour early, I confided to my boss why I got so little sleep. And then I started to sob. That was uncomfortable.

I have tomorrow off again and will be going for coffee with Michael so that will be a nice little oasis. He made me a few cds of the music we listened to on New Year's Eve. That was such a fun night. I wish I could go back to it.

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