Locked and loaded [ 2005-01-13, 3:09 a.m. ]

The following was written under the mistaken impression that the person who left that note was the same as my friend. It wasn't but Kathy has left a comment before and remarked to me in email about a month or two about what I was writing in my diary at the time. I will also be sending another email to Robert to let him know it was a mistaken identity.Thanks to Jules for pointing out my error! So,if you're reading this, I can assume that you received my email about locking my diary. If you go back one entry to the entry titled "Woosh" and click on the comments at the bottom you will see a comment by my friend,Kathy. That is the friend that I've been writing about. Her comment is so matter of fact and acting like she doesn't realize whom I talking about. I mean, maybe she does and just doesn't want to bring that up.

She emailed me today asking if it was ok for her to come visit. Now,she emailed me just last Thursday saying she didn't need to come visit. I immediately said "shit" when I read today's email. I just can't do it. I don't know what the hell I would say or do. So I lied. I said that I had scraped together some money to go visit my sister in Charleston. I wish that were true but it isn't.

So I wrote Robert letting him know about this whole thing. Actually I didn't mention the fact that she had read my diary. Not until I got home tonight and saw his email. He sounds so dejected. I feel so bad for him as much as I do for Kathy.

I emailed him telling him about her reading my diary. I knew that she had read it in the past but I really didn't think that in her present state she would be even interested in my boring diary. But alas,no. It was stupid of me not to just go ahead and lock it when I started writing about her condition. I was just tempting fate, I think.

Robert did say that Kathy's psychiatrist recommended cutting back on the Wellbutrin. I guess she was taking more than what her therapist thought. And that it can possibly cause side effects like delusional behavior. But I don't think that can explain her behavior from last year when she started thinking she was being stalked.

I told Robert more about Kathy's comments to me during the phone conversation last week. About the "famous guy" and the microphones. I'm hoping he already knew about this and I didn't freak him out. But from his email he said that she wasn't suffering from "severe" delusions. But from her conversation I beg to differ about that. Maybe I'm making more of this than necessary but her delusions do sound pretty far out.

I'm changing the subject.

So I have a profile up on match.com now. I have no money to join but men can "wink" at me and then if I wink back they can email me if they are a member. I had a guy from Minneapolis wink at me. Uh..I'm thinking he may not realize just how far away that is from me. Heh. Also,Mandy had her current b/f whom she met thru the site, wink at me. Hee. She said he told her "she'll know I'm kidding,won't she!?" I told her I ought to wink back saying a bunch of mean things about him cheating.

I have tomorrow off. My last day off before next Friday when my vacation starts. So I'm meeting Michael again for coffee tomorrow. I told him we ought to make this a weekly thing as much as possible. It was just so nice to have a long conversation with him last week.

3 comments so far

last - next

Ryan Adams