Poor poor cynical me [ 2005-01-15, 10:21 p.m. ]

I got an email today from Robert. He was happy to hear that I was mistaken about Kathy reading my diary recently and that I had decided to lock it for now. So that's a relief. I was really wondering if my email to him had pissed him off.

Today at work I had to send one of the cafe servers home. He comes in an HOUR late. And he's pissed off that I didn't call him because he had overslept. The opening cafe server had called to wake him up. Dude, I refuse to call and wake you up anymore. You are supposed to be an adult. It isn't my fault that you don't know how to get to work on time. Fucker.

I hate that shit. Making his own problem my problem. Fuck you.

It really pissed me off as you can tell. I remember being in my teens and early 20's and having a hard time getting to work on time. Especially when I started working at the club at the same time I had a retail job. I kept showing up late and finally got fired. Rightfully so. Sure it hurt. It was over the phone and a couple days before Christmas. But still. I knew that it was my own fault. Nobody else's.

I coming to the conclusion that I'm too cynical for most of the men who respond to my personal online ad. I really didn't think I was but really. I think I am. I don't know. I think I need to have a better self-image before I can let myself open to dating any of these guys. And now that's it finally gotten cold outside again, I'm going to have to reallllly want to walk the neighborhood for exercise. Plus, I need to just stop eating so much crap. Oy.

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Ryan Adams