I don't care anymore [ 2005-04-21, 2:49 a.m. ]

Jonathan and I stayed an hour and a half after closing tonight. Technically, 12:30am is really two hours and a half after closing but we usually stay close to 11pm anyway when we close if the store is a mess. Which it was of course.

Anyways, we stayed late since tomorrow is the big friggin' store visit by the district manager. I put out all the new releases that were still in the back while Jonathan worked on putting out bargain books. I really feel like if the visit doesn't go well tomorrow that I will somehow be blamed for it and written up. Just like how in my review everything wrong with the store was blamed on me. I kid you not.

Yes, I am still looking for another job but I'm not really doing that much about it. I still haven't put together a resume. I have to really sit down when I have the energy AND the time to do so. It seems like when I have time, I don't have the energy. Or the energy and not the time. It isn't like my life is one big busy time. I just don't have a lot of get up and go. I rarely do. Not that I'm completely without energy but my apartment would tell you where I focus myself. And not on cleaning.

I don't think this entry is going to read well. Sorry. I am kinda tired. More than kinda really.

Tonight at work I was in the cashroom where the safe is and had the safe door open. I got up and ran right into it. Left a nice welt above my knee. Ow. Fucking Ow. I let out a string of obscenities when I did it, too, which made the cashier laugh till she realized I was hurt. In retrospect it was kind of funny. "Goddamn. Motherfucker. Son of a bitch." I've had a mouth like a sewer since I was about 10 years old.

I close tomorrow. Which is an interesting choice for Jeff, my manager. He nevers has me open on the day that he has the store visit. Whatever, dude. If you have no confidence in me then I don't really care either.

I hope the store visit blows.

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Ryan Adams