You're nothing but a nerf herder! [ 2005-04-24, 4:34 p.m. ]

Currently I'm geeking out again because "Empire Strikes Back" is on FOX. Whee!

I had such a vivid dream last night. Yesterday I had been thinking about Tanya whom I haven't spoken to in a year and a half. I've mentioned her before. Our friendship had become very one-sided and I was beginning to think that I was the only one who cared. So I stopped calling after she didn't call me back after a few phone calls. I've always felt like maybe I did something really wrong that I wasn't aware of. But I have no idea.

Anyway, yesterday I was thinking about her. Then I saw a few minutes of "I Love the '80's" on VH-1 last night. They were talking about the Robert Townsend movie "Hollywood Shuffle" which is a genius movie. Tanya and I used to quote from that movie all the time. Tanya is African-American so she completely understood the stereotypes that the main character goes through when he was trying to a working actor. She's an actress herself.

I guess when I went to sleep, that was on my mind. I dreamed that I got a phone call from Tanya. She apologized for not being in touch and asked if I wanted to come over to watch some movies. It was so cool to talk with her. I was sad when I woke up realizing it was just a dream. I think God is trying to tell me something. It isn't pride that keeps me from contacting her. Its that fear of talking to somebody when you don't know if you pissed them off or not. But I have resolved to try to call her or something very soon. I just need to find a good time to do it when it would give me a chance to really talk.

Work was ok today. Kinda busy. Brenda told me that she's pregnant. This will be her second child. Her son is 13 years old. She's only in her mid-30's. I knew she wanted another child. She had a miscarriage a couple years ago so I know she was starting to think she couldn't have another one. I think she's still in shock that she's pregnant. But she's happy too. She said that she's pretty sure the baby will be due around Christmastime.

As for me, I like kids. And if I was pregnant I would definitely have it. I believe in the right to choose, of course, but its a very hard decision to make. I know people who've had abortions and they don't regret it but its a decision that is so personal. the age of 39 I don't think I would want to be pregnant. But when I was a teen and in my twenties, I wanted a whole herd of kids. I love big families. I just know that I'd hate to do it alone. Just reading soverycherry shows me that. Plus, my own sister has raised her kids basically by herself too.

Anyway, having kids was something that I never had to do. It would have been nice but its ok. I'm a pretty self-contained person. And extremely set in my ways now.

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