I've got a crush on you,sweetpie [ 2005-05-18, 2:49 a.m. ]

Its almost 3am and I'm watching The X-Files. Mulder..poor Mulder.

Anyway,today was my day off. And I did nothing. I slept quite a bit. Which actually is a good thing since my ankle is feeling better now. It will probably feel bad again tomorrow since I'm not getting any sleep. And around and around it goes.

I found out today that Coldplay will be coming to town in September and tix go on sale in June. I think I'll see if Christie would like to go. She's a good concert buddy. She truly enjoys the experience. We were both giddy for the Ryan Adams concert.

I am feeling a bit melancholy right now though. I want so many things in my life and when I start thinking about time passing, it just makes me sad. I want a man in my life who loves me and understands me. I want to be able to travel to Europe. I want to be healthier and at a better weight than I am right now.

Its hard to think about sometimes. If I'm tired and feeling a bit beaten down already, thinking of those things will just depress the hell outta me. I'm ok right now but like I said, I do have a feeling of melancholy. Like I can feel those feelings/emotions buzzing around me waiting for the right time. Vulnerability creeps up on me without warning. Being alone doesn't help. Waiting for sleep till I'm exhausted definitely doesn't help. And daydreaming about fictional characters doesn't help that longing.

Right now there are no men in my real life that I see too often that I crush on. Nobody. Which is sad. Because crushes, whether they develop into something real or not, can make your day more fun. Bring a glow to your cheeks. Give you something to look forward to. And a reason to dress up. I feel like I rarely go out of my way to make myself look nice. Usually its the same thing day after day.

I have about 3 hours till I have to get up for work. I almost wrote school. God. That would be worse.

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Ryan Adams