This indecision's buggin' me [ 2005-06-11, 1:58 a.m. ]

Do you ever just feel kinda sad and you're not sure where it came from? I mean, you kinda know but it sneaks up on you. Like right now. I miss my friends. I think that's it. I emailed Michael to firm up a time to go out for coffee. We tried getting together last week on my vacation but that didn't happen.

I was supposed to get back to him via email about getting together this week but I kept forgetting. Or just putting it off. Gah. I hate me sometimes. There are times when I can be such a good friend. But other times..other times I just suck. I let my own little tiny life become more important than keeping up with friends. Like two hours away from my regular routine is gonna kill me. Cause once I do get out, I'm fine. I have fun usually. And, sure I'm always happy to be in my place, but that doesn't mean I have to stay here for fucking forever.

Speaking of which..I saw on dvd the movie Grey Gardens last night. Its a documentary done in 1975 about Edith Bouvier Beale and her middle-aged daughter known as Little Edie. Both of them are eccentric as hell and funny as hell. They have a co-dependent relationship and Little Edie keeps saying she's going to leave the house, Grey Gardens, and go back to NYC to pursue her career. She's 56 in the movie. But sees herself as someone in her twenties. Unfortunately, I can relate to her thinking. I'm 39 and still feel like I'm stuck doing something I'm not happy with. Not an uncommon feeling among people my age but still it was rather unsettling. I don't want to feel that way when I'm 56 much less 46. Which is only 6.5 years away. Christ. I'm not freaking out. I'm not freaking out.

Anyway, I loved the movie and I really recommend it. If you're a fan of Rufus Wainwright, on the cd Poses he has a song called "Grey Gardens" and their is a quote from Little Edie from the movie saying "It's very difficult to keep the line between the past and the present. Do you know what I mean? It's awfully difficult". Just an amazing quote especially because of the way she says it.

I saw parts of another movie last night on HBO. It's the 2003 movie with Ewan McGregor called Young Adam. It's rather famous because of the long full frontal you get of Ewan's naughy bits. And let me just say...what a lightsaber he has. Oh. My. Help me,Obi Wan,you're my only hope,indeed.

I spoke with Brenda today on the phone when she called the store. She had her DNC procedure today for the miscarriage. She's holding up ok. Of course she was kinda stoned when I talked to her from the drugs. I'll see her tomorrow at work.

My leg is still kinda bothering me. It comes and goes. But I'm thinking it's just a strain and I need to actually force myself to get out the yoga mat I bought LAST YEAR and haven't used once. And do some stretching big time.

Hell yea! It's almost an hour later. I'm listening to Punk45 Radio off of iTunes. I just had a wiggins as Xander would say. They played "Dog Food" by Iggy Pop which I know from the sdtrk to the Michael Hutchence movie "Dogs in Space". I used to listen to that sdtrk all the damn time. I own the movie on some old videotape pinched off of HBO. It was about the punk movement in Australia in the '70's and MH was just beautiful and tragic. As he lived and died. Anyway, I got up and danced my ass (even with a bum leg!) to that song. Iggy Pop is the bombdiggity. I don't even own much of his stuff but hell he rocks. I saw him in concert long time ago but only associate that time with when I realized my best friend was making out with the man I loved. Woo..anyway the dancing was fun!

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