Hold my pickle [ 2005-06-16, 3:57 a.m. ]

You know what's kinda funny? I keep having people at work tell me that they really like my new haircut and even though I'll say thank you and appreciate the comment, most of me thinks "Man,my hair must've looked really crappy before!". I mean, now really. Can't I just take a compliment? ...No..no I can't. Ok. Yes I can sometimes but when it comes to my appearance, it's really hard to take. Being fat does not help. But with that comes the low self-esteem.

I haven't always been overweight. I think the first ten years of my life were spent as a normal-sized girl. But once I crept towards puberty, my weight started going up. Add to that that I used and still use food as a drug, well, you get the picture. It ain't pretty.

Which reminds me of "Super Size Me", one of my favorite movies ever. Never has a movie changed my life like that one. Seriously. I cannot go to Mickey D's anymore. It makes me ill. The only fast food places I go to are W@ndy's and maybe Chic-fil-@. I just feel that their quality is a bit higher. Missing finger and all. Yes, I know that was a scam. It's just still funny. Waiter,waiter! There's a finger in my chili!

So speaking of that movie, I watched the new show by Morgan Spurlock of "Super Size Me" fame called "30 Days". Have I ever told you I have a wee crush on that man? Well, I do. Including the silly handlebar mustache. I can't help myself. He's intelligent and funny. Who can resist that? Anyways, the first show was very good. He and his fiancee spent a month living on minimum wage having to pay rent and everything else with only the money they were making. I could completely relate to it seeing as how, hey, I just declared bankruptcy and all. Plus, as a teenager my family was thisclose to living on the street.

I have so much now compared to those days. Even with all the financial problems now. Of course, those are slowly going away which is great. But one still has to live day to day right now thinking of the fact that I can't really afford to go to the doctor(s) that I'd like to go to now because I haven't paid my deductible for the year yet which is $200. It sucks. But there will eventually be a brighter light at the end of the tunnel. Hopefully,it won't be an oncoming train.

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Ryan Adams