Bastards [ 2005-07-08, 2:11 a.m. ]

Last night (Wednesday), I was up very late. I know. How unusual. Anyway, I was zipping around the channels and was probably one of the earliest to hear about the bombings in London. I was completely stunned and then I was angry. London is my town. No,I've never been there. But all my life I've wanted to go. I've read many a travel book. In fact I was reading a copy of a Fodor's London guide just that day. I had decided (and I'm still doing it) to start saving money asap for a trip over to London and to see Ireland and Scotland as well. I'll probably have the money together in about 2 years, I'm thinking.

So this act of terrorism really hit me. I love the Brits. I love their attitudes. Pretty much everything about'em. I was so excited for them that they had gotten their bid for the Olympics in 2012. They were ecstatic. And then the very next day this happens. On Primetime Live they showed early headlines from England. The Daily Star simply had the headline "Bastards". Very fitting.

My appearance for the final bankruptcy hearing went smoothly. Except for almost getting lost and then trying to find a parking place, of course. Otherwise I was in and out of there within 30 minutes. And my actual time of being in front of the Trustee was maybe 10 seconds. heh. Cool. I was so happy to have it over with. I kept repeating to myself back to the car.."That's it. It's over. I'm free of it.". I honestly don't think it will sink in till I've completely paid my mother back the money I owe. I wish I could pay her back quickly but it's going to take 3 to 4 months. After that..I'll have some money to start a savings acct.

Wednesday night at work I was in the newsstand straightening up. This guy says "Hi,Judith". I stop and look at him, not recognizing him. He said "You don't remember me, do you?". I said no,I'm sorry. How do I know you? He replied "We took a couple classes together." Really? Which ones? He said "English and Math." Wow,I said. You've got a great memory. That was a long time ago. I went on to say that I was sorry I didn't remember him. But he said "No, I don't really know you. I saw your nametag. I was just messin' with ya." Oh.I see.

I walked off and calmly went to the restroom where I proceeded to burst into tears. Why, you ask? Because since I was in junior high, I've been the butt of many jokes because of my weight. So therefore, at my age I thought people didn't do things like that to me anymore. Now, he probably didn't do that to me because of my weight. But if I'd been some pretty skinny chick..doubtful he would've made an ass of himself. I knew it was stupid to react that way. And I'm sure that it was a combination of fatigue and just plain humiliation.

I tried to get myself together and finally was able to drink some water which always helps when one is crying. Luckily, I keep eyedrops in my purse because of allergies. They did a good job in disguising my red eyes. I felt like I was 13 again and being picked on by some thoughtless idiot. It affected me for several hours. When I got home, I just laid on my bed and stared into space and finally fell asleep for an hour. I woke up feeling a lot better,thankfully.

I have this weekend off which is quite wonderful. I feel I need a couple days away from the place. Unfortunately, I have to open tomorrow..which means I have to be up in about 3.5 hours.

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Ryan Adams