the Grim Reaper [ 2005-08-21, 10:17 p.m. ]

I just finished watching the series finale of Six Feet Under. I started watching the show in the second season after catching up through re-runs of the first season. Almost every time I watched a show I would cry a bit.

But the last ten minutes of this finale had me hyper-ventilating I was crying so hard. I've absolutely never cried that hard that I would do that. It just kept building and building. They showed the Fishers and co. in the future and how each died. And this taps into a fear of mine. Losing the ones I love. I still have my parents and my sisters. And when any of them dies..I really don't know if I could go on. I guess I would make myself but just the thought of it makes me ill. And crying again.

My own death. Well,I'm a bit afraid of that unknown but I think my biggest fear is dying alone. I would hate going out of this world without someone holding my hand. Besides God.

I've had a very long rough day at work and I think my body and mind were feeling way too vulnerable. But it's ok since I do or rather did love that show. I'm really going to miss facing my own mortality every week.

I almost wrote morality which would be different.

Ya know that cold that wouldn't go away that I kept complaining about? Well,I finally went to the doctor on Saturday morning and found out I've been dealing with bronchitis. I've had it a couple times before and luckily it isn't quite as bad as those times. But I just wasn't getting well so the doctor prescribed a couple of things and I hope I'll be feeling much better real quick.

Tomorrow I'm off for the first time in 6 days. My mom and I are going to go to the nursery to pick out some plants for my place. And I'm going to give her and my dad a big hug because after tonight I just couldn't not do that.

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Ryan Adams