I'm getting that sinking feeling [ 2005-09-24, 5:10 a.m. ]

Here I am again.

Lately I've just felt uninspired to write anything here. There's plenty going on in my head but sometimes you just don't feel like putting it down.

I met with Candi (New Manager) on Thursday. She was meeting with each member of the management staff to clarify her expectations and to see how we're doing in relation to the store.

So the first half of the meeting was fine, I guess. Her expectations aren't unreasonable. I know that I'll be working hard while I'm at work and that's ok. Stressful sometimes but ok.

The second half of the meeting was a bit depressing,for me anyway. She went over my review from April and that it was time to another one to see how I stood. You'll remember that that's the review that I got a "not at standards" and received no raise. And was basically blamed for how crappy the store was. Just me. None of the other managers (besides the store manager) was blamed.

She gave me a "cautionary meets standards". I tried to not get emotional (or at least not cry). But I still felt like I was being expected to shoulder more than my share. Part of me says that's silly. That Candi and Diane are also bearing the burden of meeting payroll etc... But then the other half of me does still feel like I'm being persecuted. I really can't help it.

But this time I told nobody about it. I made like the meeting was just dandy. Stiff upper lip and all that. And in the back of my mind I'm thinking "I have to get another job. I can't stand this anymore". I just don't know what to do. I have no plan. I don't hate my job. I just hate how we're expected to do so much while we have so few people to work. Our payroll sucks because the economy sucks and our sales are down. Therefore, since we have to cut back on payroll..there are very few people on the floor to help customers. The less help there is..the less likely the customer can find what they want. And get pissed off and leave the store.

It's an endless cycle.

I really tried to push it out my mind but every now and then I get that feeling of being overwhelmed. Like I'm in quicksand. I can't even remember the last time I didn't feel this way.

Anyway..on to other things.

I went to Applebee's (bleh) to meet up with Brenda,Amy,Liz and Caitlin for dinner on Thursday. That was nice. We were there for a couple hours eating and drinking. It was Caitlin's last day working at the cafe and she invited me to come which was really nice of her. Plus, I haven't talked to Amy since she transferred to another store.

I bought a phone at K-Mart for my house. And the guy came from the cable company to install my phone modem. It was so cool talking to my sister and not worrying about the signal. My cell is so crappy in my house. The only glitch is that my mom told me that she couldn't dial my number all the way on her phone. It would say something like "it couldn't be completed as dialed". She has bellsouth like my sister does and my sis was able to dial to me ok. My mom tried it on her cell and was able to get through so she was dialing it correctly. She's going to call bellsouth tomorrow and see if they can figure it out.

I'm totally into the new season of tv shows. Shows that I've watched and liked/loved: Supernatural, Reunion, Prison Break, My Name is Earl, Everybody Hates Chris, Threshold, Kitchen Confidential & Invasion.. Yes, I know. That's a lot of tv. That's why I have a dvr, so I can watch it when I want to. My favorite show in the hour-long format is Supernatural. I love things about the paranormal and it's tightly written. Of the 3 sit-coms I watched..that's a close one. But I love Jason Lee, so My Name is Earl barely wins out over the other two Everybody Hates Chris is so damn funny and real. And Kitchen Confidential has Bradley Cooper. 'nuff said.

I close tomorrow and work on Sunday 10:30-7pm. But because we're so far behind on returns some of the management staff is working till midnight to make a dent in them. So that's gonna be a nice long day for me.

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Ryan Adams