Yesterday [ 2006-04-19, 12:33 a.m. ]

It is so weird to be talking to Jay again by IM. It's like we never stopped. I just finished a two hour conversation with him. The thing that's better than when we used to talk like this is that he's matured so much. But our back and forth of teasing each other is very much the same. So damn fun. The time flew by.

I haven't heard from the interview that I had last Thursday so I'm taking that as bad news since they said they'd call for a second interview on Friday or Monday and now it's the end of Tuesday. I'm trying to be ok with it. It's disappointing but the responsibility that was involved with that job (store manager) was pretty big and I'm not sure I want that. I need less stress. Not more!

I really feel in limbo. In less than two weeks I'll sit down again with my manager and she'll either fire me or not. No in between. But even if I stay, it won't be a cake walk. Sigh. I was thinking last night about if I get fired that I'm going to try to keep my cool but I won't sign anything. I know they always want you to sign things when you get fired. Like you're agreeing with it. I'll walk out the door and never step foot back in.

You don't know how much that thought kills me. I just want to get through May and then my vacation in June. I need that surgery and then my vacation. I need a vacation now. I was so damn grumpy at work today. I think the stress of not knowing what the hell she's going to say is getting to me. I totally feel like it could go either way. I have no idea. I really don't.

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Ryan Adams