Dance like nobody's watching [ 2006-09-29, 2:48 p.m. ]

My knees hurt.

After my meltdown of Wednesday night, you'd really wonder about a person who would voluntarily go out again Thursday night. But...I did. Let me backtrack to why.

Wednesday night, I IM'd Jay even though it was showing him as "away" on messenger. I wrote, I think, "I need to talk. Where are you?". Not the first time that I've drunk messaged him. So, yesterday morning, before I went to work at 12pm, I signed on and he was there and instantly wrote to me "Hey,what's up?". I told him that I'd drank too much and had ended up thinking too much and feeling lonely. He told me that he knew exactly how that was. I mentioned that I was thinking about going out again but was afraid of drinking too much and repeating Wednesday night. He said "can't you go out and have fun and just drink moderately?". Well, huh. I took that as a challenge. I mean, I've done it before. Just not lately really.

So I went to work and got off a little early so I could get home in time to see The Office even though my dvr was watching it for me. But, hey, I like to watch it then and there too. Besides the fact that I have an iTunes subscription to the show. Anyway...I was a little tired but thought..well, I have Friday off so what the heck?

I was at the club before midnight wearing my black skirt and shirt and these black lace leggings that I've had since 1987. I kid you not. Still in great condition. And of course, I wear my black boots. I looked like I did in 1987/88 but with better hair.

Julie got there a little later and she'd brought along Marsha, who funnily enough, is a supervisor at the store where I'm training this week. We were all "Hey!!". She's also the roommate of Taira who is the music manager there.

So, Julie,Marsha and I all went upstairs and proceeded to dance for the next 2.5 hours without hardly stopping. Oh. My. God. It was a lot of fun and just what I needed. I'm so glad I went. I had less than 3 beers. Just enough for a buzz but nothing more. And wayyyy cheaper.

I know that Wednesday night was not something I made up in my head. Those feelings are always there. It was the lonliness and alcohol that mixed together to make me miserable. The only way I can get better mentally is to focus on what I need to help myself. Whether it be therapy or just reaching out to friends and family when I need to. And, once again, I thank you guys for reaching out to me.

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Ryan Adams