Please do not judge me by my words here today. I'm still a bit loopy.

So I believed I mentioned my sex fantasy about the dj guy at the end of my last entry. Nothing like a sex comment to bring more comments from you people. You never disppoint.

I have to say that I had a bizarro night. And if I wasn't still buzzing from certain chemicals, I think I could have taken it in a very bad way to where it would depress me. Instead, I chose to think of it as funny. Which it really is.

Ok. So here's how my night went.

I got off work a tad early. Got home. Washed hair and watched some tv. At about 10:45pm I headed out to the karaoke bar. Got there and sure enough the cute dj, Matt, was there. I went to the bar, got the cd I needed from Alison for my review and ordered up a cosmo. Met up with some people like Dustin, Caitlin (who used to work in the cafe) and of course, Slice. I was nicely tipsy and having a great time. I started off singing "One Way or Another" by Blondie. After midnight or so, Marcia finally showed up (Julie couldn't come out last night) and we hung out. I sang "Roxanne" by the Police and Marcia sang a few.

It was obvious to me that Matt was attracted to Marcia. She is cute in a punky type of way and a real sweetie. But still, I couldn't help myself and finally went up to Matt after he beckoned me about putting my name down again. I told him I already had. Then we just sort of looked at each other and I just flat out said "Do you know how cute you are?". He tried to be all bashful but now really, with that face he has to know it.

Anyway, Marcia comes up to me after I sang Sheena Easton's "Morning Train" and said Matt had invited her to come back to his place to "smoke" and said she'd invited me along. I think she phrased it better than that but that's basically what it was. He did sidle up next to me at the bar and asked if I was going to come. He has this way of staring you in the face with his pretty green eyes that it makes on a bit flitty. At least it does to me. And you know...I just couldn't resist. I wanted to see what would happen. Plus, hey, free pot.

So he drove us over to the hotel he's staying at till he moves into a new place. Small one room place up on the third floor. We sat on the bed and drank a bit of straight rum. I basically sipped it though.

I'm totally trying to pretend I don't see his interest shift to Marcia but ya know, it was hard not to see. She kept trying to see how I was handling it. But you know...I have no claim on the guy. I only have a lusty crush on him.

He got out a pipe and we were smoking while Marcia talked a mile a minute. She's hilarious. It was made even funnier when he put some coke in the pot. I'd never done coke before this. Always been afraid of my heart bursting. But I did it anyway. I don't regret it. Combining it with the pot definitely gives it a different effect. I'm very relaxed but alert (though I might be finally fading now).

Anyways, he told us we could stay there for the night. All three of us sharing the bed. Yes. That's right. I was in bed with the guy. Unfortunately, Marcia was between us. But really, that's what he wanted. Apparantly he's more of the petite type. Anyway..the lights were off, I could hear them moving around. And I'm lying there with barely an inch of mattress to spare. Trying to decide how I felt. One thought came to mind. How old am I? Am I still 21 where I would be in the same room where there was obviously sex being had? Now I couldn't exactly tell what was happening in this instance. I didn't think there was ACTUAL sex going on but something close. Especially since he was naked. Oh, yea. But Marcia and I both opted to keep our clothes on.

Oh..and he seemed so disppointed when we were still smoking and talking that I was not bi. Just an ordinary straight girl. No fun for you, buddy.

So..back to the story.

So after my first thought about my age then came this hilarious and quite cool thought. "This will make for a good scene in my NaNo novel!!". Damn, I love creativity. Lemonade people. Lemonade.

So (I say "So" a LOT) I sat up and at first they didn't realize what I was doing. I'd been thinking about how to get back to my car. My main thought was put my shoes on and call a cab. Matt turned on the light and Marcia bounded out of bed, still completely clothed. I just said that I needed to get home now. This wasn't something I needed to be around for. And then I said "I just don't think I'm acting the age I really am". At which, Matt scoffed. Because boy wanted SOMETHING. Well, hon. I know frustration. But this girl just can't do this to herself. I love myself too much to kick myself around like that. You're a cutie and I don't hate you. But, c'mon. Look at it from my perspective.

He realized that Marcia was prepping to leave as well. Finally he said he'd take us back to our cars which were still at the bar. I so badly wanted to explain my comment to him but couldn't bring myself to say anything and also, it wasn't my place to apologize. I gave him a hug when we got there. Marcia got out, he said a couple words to her and he pulled out of the parking lot. Marcia asked if I was going to be up for a while. I said sure. So she followed me back to my place.

She set me straight about the fact that she would never have let it get as far as sex. Though he wanted it. Which was quite obvious to me as well. Her main preoccupation was with how she feels about Julie. They've been together a couple of times and since she knows I know her, she asked my advice about some things. So basically, we talked for over a couple of hours. Then we went to a diner for breakfast at 7:30am. I haven't done that in a while. The old walk of shame into the diner after partying all night while other people go to work. Suckers!!

I told Marcia that I should just go back to Matt's place, give him a blowjob, which he so obviously needed, and get some more coke. Which is just us being funny, folks. No worries. This girl can party her ass off but I'm quite happy that I'd never done it before now.

Anyway, the next time I see him at the bar will be a bit awkward. At least for me. But you know, I just have to keep thinking..not my fault.

I'm turning my attention to other men.

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