Cry Baby [ 2006-12-01, 3:17 a.m. ]

There needs to be a switch on my head where I can stop myself from crying. It happens when I get frustrated/angry/sad/overwhelmed/younameit. So today at work I was in my music dept. and just getting pissed at how much the bookfloor was taking hours away from my dept. when I had stacks of boxes to be received and product shelved. It's the whole "your little corner doesn't matter because I don't have to deal with it" mindset. I am not really blaming anybody for it. I completely understand their own frustrations in the bookfloor. I've been there/done that a million times. But my dept. has been averaging 10% of sales so far this week everyday. When I left today (at 9pm..making it another 11 hour day) we had reached $2100 dollars in sales. That's some busy dept.

Anyway, I was standing there late in the afternoon and the tears started coming. What made it worse was that there were customers in the place and I had one of my employees right there. Poor guy. He asked if I was ok. I just had to shrug it off and pull myself together and tell him I was just frustrated, that was all. Which was the truth. It's just embarassing to have those tears come so sudden. I think I'm just expecting everything to fall into place right away. And it isn't going to happen that way. We just opened. I'm new at managing this dept. And I really sometimes feel like I'm struggling to keep my head above water. But I know that I just have to give it time and just keep plugging away.

I was there so late because of this event that brought out a bunch of people. Making the whole store busy and I knew that one of the guys had to take a dinner break and I didn't want to leave one of my music sellers all by herself. So I finally left the dept. just after 8 and worked on finishing the schedule.

I suppose getting more sleep last night might've helped my state of mind. But going out last night helped it more. I think I can do it again next week but this time I'll be closing the next day so no getting up early.

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Ryan Adams