And I'm feeling good.... [ 2007-02-15, 11:37 a.m. ] Bad Judith. Bad Judith. Stop avoiding writing another article. Grr. I am so bad about that. If you look up procrastination in Webster's you will see my picture. Good grief. I did manage to get the first article done yesterday but that was more of a non-research kind. It was the "If I was Queen of the Charlotte music scene.." article. I made it around 238 words.

I think I already feel the P@xil working on me. Maybe it's because of the boy wishing me a nice Valentine's day but yesterday was not depressing for me as I thought it might be. I haven't cried for a week now. Which is odd. No meditating on how sucky my life is. I'm not saying I'm HAPPY!!! but I'm ok. I know it won't be like this all the time. I don't think I'm explaining this well. What I'm saying is that I'm focusing on what I can do. Not what I can't.

I told my mom Tuesday night about my going to a psychiatrist and being on medication. I think it surprised her but I told her about my anxiety and how I can let one little thing bring me down. I didn't go into specifics such as the suicidal thoughts stuff, I didn't want to scare her. But I explained about that and she said "Well, if it helps you be happier, that's great." That is my mother, folks. She's really supportive. Now, I think my dad might have a harder time understanding this but I think he'll be ok about it. I wasn't going to tell them at first but honestly, I talk to my mom way too much for me not to do so. It just seemed wrong. I've told Mandy and I need to talk with my other sister,Christy, sometime soon. In my family, we tend to share almost everything but the most intimate details.

I was going to go out last night to the karaoke bar but for one, I took an extended nap which had me waking up at 8pm. And two, I thought to myself "it's Valentine's day night. Maybe I shouldn't set myself up for being around couples." Sometimes you have to live defensively. I didn't want to sabotage my good mood. Which I have done in the past because I'm like that. Reveling in dark moods.

So my big plans for the day. Get at least one of the two articles done. I have tomorrow off as well so I can get another one done if need be. I really need to get it out of the way.

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Ryan Adams