I believe in a thing called love!! [ 2007-03-08, 1:54 a.m. ]

Today was a pretty good day. I did battle with a tension headache most of the day but I did stuff anyway.

I had my appt. with my psychiatrist which was really just a quick consultation to see how my meds were doing. He wrote me another prescription for two more months for the Paxil and Rozerem and I'll see him again on May 7th. Then I went ahead and made an appt. with a regular therapist for this Monday. That will be interesting and where the real hard work begins to really understand what my deal is.

I cleaned out my car which was a major feat. It's been worse but there was crap in there from November. Like old food. Eww.

I had the weirdest dream about my karaoke bar. I dreamed that my sisters, our old friend,Becky, and I were going out on the town together and I told them I wanted to go to the bar since I hadn't been there in a month (which is true). So we gussied up and got there and there was a line, plus the outside of the building was different. I figured that it was busy because of spring break. We get in there and the whole place is much bigger and not as dark and more of a dressy type place. Suddenly my parents are there and we're sitting in a booth with my mom right next to me. I realize that the place still has karaoke but is mainly a strip club now. Off to one side is a girl with only a g-string on. And then on a main stage two Chippendale type guys come out and start pelvis thrusting. This is when I got to hear my mom yell, with fist raised in the air, "Now that's what I'm talking about!!". Oh my God.

This is when I woke up and cracked up saying out loud "That's the weirdest fucking dream I've ever had". But it sealed my decision to go to the karaoke bar. I dressed in my black jeans, b/w converse high tops and a black long sleeved ribbed sweater with a v-neck cut out that has string pulling it together. I did not describe that well. Anyway, I looked cute. I drove there, doing deep breathing and telling myself to be calm. Got there, parked and went down the stairs. Opened the door and heard "Judith!!" being yelled by Dustin and Allison. Awww! That rocks when that kind of thing happens. I was told by the kj,Matt, that my presence was missed.

I sat with Dustin and we chatted and drank some beer. I sang 3 songs by myself. "Even the Losers" by Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers (one of my fave songs), Janis Joplin's "Me & Bobby McGee" and Jefferson Airplane's "White Rabbit". I did pretty dang well on all of them. However Dustin and I sang Darkness' "I believe in a thing called love" and I totally couldn't get it right but had fun trying anyway.

I saw my publisher boss, Jeff, there and we discussed what I would write the magazine in April. He suggested that I write about my days of working at the club (where he was one of my bosses). So I'm gonna do that and a preview of a yet to be named band for April.

I'm so proud of myself that I went to the club tonight. It helps me to know that people want to see me and were glad to see me. I've always had a hard time feeling like I really matter to anyone but my family. That's definitely something to work on in therapy.

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