Cover me [ 2007-03-23, 12:42 p.m. ]

I'm not sure why but I just haven't felt like writing in here lately. But I will just to update about things.

I had my yearly review with my boss on Tuesday. Overall it was pretty good. She did bring up a few things that were negative but I got a "meets standards" and a raise. So that's a big relief. Strangely, I knew it would be a good review but I still had that little pit of dread thinking about it because of how crappy last year was for me. I do find it hard to be positive sometimes. And I think I'm really fighting the depression right now so that doesn't help it. For example, I slept all day yesterday on my day off. I woke up at 10am, intending to go out shopping for shoes. Took a shower. But then landed back in bed again. And stayed there till around 7:30pm. Folks, that is depression. And I hate it and it's very hard to fight so sometimes I don't even bother putting up my fists.

Even with sleeping all day, I was still able to go back to sleep around midnight. But...I did wake up around 8am today. Went for a walk. Came home and showered. Ate breakfast. Got a phone call from Mandy letting me know that my dad's surgery went ok this morning. (They had to go into his bladder and remove some pollops just in case they were cancerous. They got them all, thankfully). I called my mom who was in the waiting room. She did urge me to go shoe shopping after I said I was contemplating either napping or shopping. So that pushed me out. I went shopping but was not successfull, however.

So I bought some cute slingbacks from They have a great return policy so just in case I can send them back since my feet are so hard to fit.

I had a nice crying jag on Tuesday when I left work. I just feel so hopeless sometimes about men. And it's just hard to make myself feel better about it. When one part of my life is going good (work), then my personal life blows. True, I'm trying to take better care of myself. That's a very uphill battle. But I am trying. Yet the lonliness can envelope me. I feel cold. I'd hate to see how badly I would feel without the Paxil. Well, I have felt it so I do know.

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Ryan Adams