Be still my beating heart [ 2007-04-13, 12:12 a.m. ]

I'm apprehensive. I'm going to make this mix cd and I'm going to give it to him tomorrow. I hope. I'm just afraid that I'm setting myself up for a big fall. Because nothing in the romance dept. ever works out for me. I've never really had a relationship. But I know that this might be why. As much as I think that I reach out to a guy, I really don't. I've reached out to the wrong ones, sure. But the ones that I could actually feel something reciprocated, I get scared. It sucks but I think that it's true. Not that I've felt that spark very many times. Even if this hypothetical relationship doesn't work, at least I've experienced something.

I went to karaoke yesterday. Had some fun just hanging at the bar with the regulars and Alison, the bartender. Did a lot of singing. Marcia and I sang "Hollaback Girl", which was so funny. Drew, the hilarious very-gay guy who hung out with me all night, sang "Don't Go Breakin' My Heart" with me. I took the Elton John part. Heh.

I've lost two more pounds. That makes it an even 25 pounds that I've lost now. Oh, and I was able to finally button the jeans that I haven't gotten into since 2001. My plan is to lose 15 more pounds by June 1st, my vacation. I'm aiming for that, so I'm going to have to really do more walking. Now that some of the cold snap is gone, I should be able to.

So that's it. Wish me luck for tomorrow. I just think I'll tell him something like "Remember how you said I could make you happy if I wanted to" (this was when I was telling him I was a princess and it was everyone's job to make me happy)"well, I wanted to give you this mix because music should make you happy. And it makes me happy to make these mixes." Except with a lot more stuttering and rapidly beating heart. Oy.

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Ryan Adams