A Brick Wall [ 2007-04-18, 7:49 p.m. ]

I think I went through five million emotions today. And I'm even more grateful that I'm in therapy. Because it helped me to finally see that I shouldn't take things so personally. Jon is just completely clueless. That's it. And I haven't had a chance to really talk to him all week so I can't even see about this girlfriend issue that I'm afraid of. Does he or does he not? And when he's concentrating on his job in the back, I shouldn't be so wounded. But I do react that way. Enough so that I went to the restroom and let myself cry for a minute. I'm so frustrated about this. And as positive as I try to be, I feel like a pariah. Even though I looked pretty damn good today. I had on this sexy lacy white camisole under a button up black sweater with a few buttons undone, so, major cleavage. With that I had my cute houndstooth above the knee skirt (which I had to keep safety pinned at the waist cause it's so loose, not that I'm complaining), with hose and flats. I got quite a few compliments but I doubt he even noticed. I truly have no idea what he thinks. God. I've got to just ease back and concentrate on other things.

This is why I can't wait to go out tonight to the bar. Be around some guys that talk and maybe appreciate me. This is all I ask. Positive reinforcement. I will say that there was a cute,younger guy who came in to pick up his copy of the newest Bright Eyes cd. I started talking to him about how the cover has hidden designs and words and how cool that is. Then we moved onto talking about Sufjan Stevens, Ryan Adams etc... He kept coming back and talking to me. But he there was a girl with him who might have been his g/f but she wasn't very handsy with him or anything like you might think a g/f would act. Candi and Tracy came over to mess with my register while he's talking with me about "Grindhouse" and the Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie. Eventually he left while saying it was good talking to me. Candi and Tracy looked at me with raised eyebrows. I just shrugged and smiled, "People like to talk about music with me. Besides that was probably his girlfriend with him." I don't know. It is nice to talk music with cute guys, I know that much.

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