I just watched Notes on a Scandal. Not only do I think the performances were first-rate and that the screenplay was well-written but it also resonated with me in uncomfortable ways. Am I the Judi Dench character befriending and crowding people? Am I the Cate Blanchett character finding myself in a younger man (though not 15 years old, for crying out loud)? Am I the fellow teacher who suffers a crush on somebody attainable?
Many of the lines in the movie made my heart twist. Thoughts of loneliness, unrequited love, smothering affection.... I hate to see myself mirrored in characters who, while sympathetic in some ways, are not how I want to see myself.
In truth, no, I don't see myself that way. But sometimes you doubt how others see you. And I know I have that tendency to expect people to only see me in a negative light. But it's also my attempt to reign in my emotions. I hate being an open book. And while there are times that I am. I know there also times when nobody can read me. Because I close down. It's my only defense against looking like a fool.
Tomorrow I work and I'll be happy to be there. There's lots to do since we have a change over of displays due in a few days. And I might be meeting up with my former co-worker,Diane, this week. That will be nice to catch up with her.
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