One toke over the line [ 2007-05-28, 5:51 a.m. ]

I quote my last entry "I can't stay out late or drink since I have to be at work at 8am on Monday." Oh,Judith,please. The moment I called and left Charlie a message saying that I was going to be at the bar, I knew I would be out late.

I went to trivia night and Charlie was already there (as he later told me and prefaced by saying 'no offense', "I went there to see about getting some money in advance from (one of the bar owners) so I could get some pot. I totally forgot you were going to be there." Oh,thanks. I appreciate that. Stupid man. Before I left him tonight, I told him I so appreciated that he forgot I was going to be there. Men are clueless.

Anyway, I got to the bar and played trivia for a while and Charlie left to go buy some pot and come back to smoke with me and few others. I won one round of trivia which was about music. Then I went down in flames. I knew that would happen. I skipped out on a few rounds while I smoked with Charlie and a couple other people. The pot was very strong and hit me pretty hard. I am sure some of you sitting there thinking "why are you hanging out with such a pothead?". I sometimes wonder,too. I mean, I like pot. I like pot a lot. And I have told him that I don't hang out with him because I want to get high. But with Charlie comes the weed. Maybe a good idea that we aren't so much "involved" as we are close friends. I wouldn't mind the friends with benefits thing but we'll see.

We did some karaoke after trivia was over. I sang Joe Jackson's "Is she really going out with him?". And I went up to help Ally sing Fiona Apple's "Criminal". We sounded good together. She's got a fab voice.

Afterwards, Charlie and I went with some others back to this guy's house. We toked some more, listened to music but I was in the kind of high where I was focusing on the "I forgot you were going to be there" remark. I hate that part of me that turns one sentence over and over in my head.

Grr. I will probably hang with him on Thursday night and I think I need to make some kind of positive move here. I don't want to NOT hang out with him but I have to ask him just how he actually feels about me. As I was driving him home (no,he doesn't have a car), he said something like "you don't blame for having you stay out this late, do you?" I replied, "No, I have free will" (I think I do. Kinda hard to tell lately)

So..I've gotten no sleep. I think I might be still slightly stoned and I am sleepy. And I work 8-430 today. At least it's time and a half.

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Ryan Adams