Crazy...I'm crazy for feelin' so lonely [ 2007-06-23, 1:29 a.m. ]

I think I'm a bit obsessed. This isn't even like how I felt about Charlie. That was just a minor crush because I seriously don't respect him that much and I'm not all that attracted to him.

Nope. This obsession with Eston is typical of me though. He's gotta know how I feel. He isn't that clueless. I had another dream about him. I don't really remember it but he was there. To be frank, I think it isn't so much HIM but the fact that he's very sexy, funny and has good taste in music. So to be around somebody like that is like a bee to honey. I can't resist that pull. So then I keep checking my myspace and thinking about "when will I see him again". When he came into the bar last night, I felt this nice thrill. And whenever he says my name...gah.He also made a point to tell me how good I sounded when I sang. Since he sings and plays guitar himself, I like that thought that I can impress him. He gave me a hug when he left, thanking me again for the cds. I am so starved for attention, it's just sad.

I was lamenting last night on the way home how I'm not "important" to any guy, romantically speaking. And that loneliness is just deadly. So then I obsess about a guy because it does make me feel closer to him. It's crazy but true.

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Ryan Adams