Well, happy 4th of July to me [ 2007-07-05, 1:46 a.m. ]

I'm quite aware of the guys that I've been talking about lately. But really....

Jim is just different. Tonight I called him when Eston yelled at me about various things on the phone (telling me to back off from him, saying I said stupid things in front of his boss who is married to Eston's sister...which is true but I was kidding for crying out loud. I'm sure that guy knew that) I had to hang up while he was yelling at me. Confrontation is something that I can't deal with. I just can't. And plus, he was scaring me. Really scaring me. I started crying, hyperventilate, felt sick to my stomach. I knew that if I went straight home that I really didn't know how I'd recover myself.

So I called Jim. He showed me his scar last night from when he tried to commit suicide at 17. And he was very supportive and protective of me. He is truly my best friend. I went over to his apartment and Allison and Brooke (Alli is his g/f and Brooke is her sister) and they all took my side (they all know Eston). Brooke wants to kick his ass. I told them all to just not say anything. That I was just going to ignore Eston from now on.

Anyway, when I go to the bar tomorrow, I'm following Jim over so I don't have to walk in there by myself since Eston also hangs out at the bar,too.

But you have to know that even though I feel myself in love with Jim that after tonight he is more my friend than anything else to me. Truly and honestly.

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Ryan Adams