I miss you,baby....ooohhh I miss you, child [ 2007-07-12, 3:24 a.m. ]

I tried to go a whole day without texting Jim. It didn't last. We texted a few times on Monday and Tuesday. Mostly just random stuff. The last I texted him on Tuesday was about 8pm and we were talking about the Sandman comics that I'm reading on his recommendation. (They really are good. Written by Neil Gaiman. I'm into the second volume now). So I resolved today to just ease back and not text him at all. Well, I went 24 hours so I guess that is something. I texted him around 9:30pm with "Zzzzzz....". Not something that needed a response. Then when I was at the bar tonight (more on that later) I texted, close to 2am, "Oh God some drunk girl is singing Sweet Home Alabama. Help!" since we both hate that song. Since it was late I expected no response. And not I did not get one.

I just keep hearing Eston's voice in my head. Yelling at me to back off. But we were never friends, Eston and I. Just aquantinces (I cannot spell that word at all). With Jim and I...well, we are closer. But I still don't want to ruin it. God. I hate second guessing everything I do. I need to talk to him. I really do.

Anyway, so I went out tonight but only because Nicole, who used to work in the cafe at my old store, hadn't been to karaoke in a few months and could only come out tonight. It was fun to see her and all. The place was really jumping with a lot of regulars. So that was good. I saw Jeff and we talked about the 'zine. Drew and Rich were there. So was Dustin and Desi. Slice. Ken. Allison,the bartender. And on and on. Even Charlie showed up for a bit telling me was higher at that moment than he'd been in a while. I told him "that's great!". I had no idea how to respond. (I still have half of a dime bag that he got for me a couple weeks ago. I have no way to smoke it at the moment.)

But it just isn't the same without Jim. Damn. I am hopefully seeing him tomorrow night. Crossing my fingers for it to be so.

I really need to sleep soon.

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Ryan Adams