Hold out a bit longer [ 2007-07-14, 3:02 a.m. ]

Today was interesting. I'm not sure how else to put it. Nothing major but still interesting.

I went to work at noon and this being my fifth day in a row working (in retail that blows)I was so ready for it to be over!! Especially since I have a 3 day weekend. That's right. I said it. Three. Day. Weekend. Yay!!!! And I feel like I totally need it and deserve it. Go me.

Anyway, by the time I got off work (which I finagled to get off a half hour early cause I was antsy), it was about 8pm. I waited till I got home to text Jim to let him know that I was home. (I don't think I mentioned that he'd mentioned that he was suppose to go ice-skating at some place and asked me to text him when I got home so we could go to this club to see a band showcase). This was about 8:45 or so. I hung out at home, freshened up, changed into jeans/b&w chucks/baby blue cardigan. But by the time 9:45 rolled around there was still nothing from Jim.

So I texted again with just "Helloooo". Nothing. Close to 10:30 I text with "Can you call me when you get a chance. I'm starting to get worried now." Mainly because he's pretty reliable about communication.

A minute later I get a text back that said he hadn't gone ice skating, that he'd passed out on his couch with his guitar in his hand. For some reason this made me totally laugh. I phoned him and laughed at him. We were still thinking of going to see the bands but he seemed pretty out of it. I elected to come over to his place and we could leave from there. When I got there I realized he'd been drinking for a while. Something is going on there but even though I tried to draw it out of him during the night, he didn't want to open up about it.

I drank a little bit of rum with sprite while we talked for a bit. We decided to go get some food at a diner. He hadn't been drinking for two hours (that's the time he was passed out) so he was ok to drive though he still seemed foggy.

We both drove our own cars since the diner was nearer to my place. I listened to a tape of the Cure's "Disintergration" in my car which was perfect mood music for me.

We sat in the diner and talked for close to two hours while I picked at my bad chicken salad sandwich. Also, I just wasn't that hungry. I tend to not be when I am around him really. So, we talked some about our families. His father died when he was a junior in high school. I think that was probably around the time he tried to kill himself. But like I said, his mood was off so I didn't go into that with him. I can sort of read him and the drinking was worrying me. He told me he'd been drinking all day at work. Putting rum in his sprite bottle. He said a few months ago, he was doing that every day but had stopped.

Honestly, it just makes me sad that somebody like him would feel that unhappy. I did tell him about my concern and he said he really hadn't done it in a while. I think today might have been a reaction (and I didn't voice this either) to Thomas and Brooke hooking up last night. Now I don't know if it was more than making out or not but apparantly it happened at the dance club. Weird. I'm not totally surprised I guess. And Jim seemed like he was taking it alright but part of me does think that part of the drinking today might go back to last night.

Anyway, he did tell me that he'd said something like "Dude, what the fuck?" to Eston about his phone call last week to me. Apparantly, Eston said that he'd maybe overreacted a bit. Ha. Ya think, dickweed? But that does give me some satisfaction.

Anyway, shortly before 2am we left the diner agreeing to see each other at trivia on Sunday night. I decided not to hug him because I really don't want to give him the feeling that I want more. I mean, of course I do. But he doesn't need to know that.

And then to top off my weird, interesting day, by the time I get home and park in the driveway, I see there is some smoke coming out of my car hood. I know that my radiator has a leak but wtf? Why now? Just hold out a bit longer!!!
Story of my life. Hold out a bit longer.

0 comments so far

last - next

Ryan Adams