I am trying to break your heart,Judith [ 2007-08-08, 12:55 a.m. ]

This will probably be short.

I went to the open mic tonight by myself. There was a chance that Jim and his brother-in-law would be there. But no dice. I got up and sang a couple of Beatles tunes with Eston. Now there's a complicated relationship for you. Not that there's really a "relationship" to speak of but I mean, we've never spoken of that phone conversation since. Not once to each other. It's really odd.

I texted Jim a few times and for the most part was just bored out of my gourd. On the way home, I stopped and got some groceries. Then I drove home, texted Jim again just to say that I had left and was home now. I was assuming he was ok but he could call me if he wanted to. And that I would be up for a while.

I'm just afraid that his talk with Alli went badly, meaning he felt bad. On his myspace his quote thing next to his pic now says "Making irreversible decisions is good for the soul". Which translates, to quote Wilco, "I am trying to break your heart." I don't know what I'm going to do without him. I don't know. Yes, I want to tell him how I feel. But I don't really think it's going to stop him from leaving town. Leaving me. To tell you the truth, if he said "come with me to Amsterdam" I would do it in a heartbeat. But that will not happen. Because in my reality, nobody asks or wants that of me. To move away with them and start a new life. God. I want that.

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