Stupid conscious [ 2007-08-13, 11:45 p.m. ]

I really should be asleep. Really,really. I have to get up by 5am. But my body just isn't willing to go to bed yet. Just trying to live up to my diary title.

Today was a weird day. I realized that my body has been protesting the stressors that I have in my life. And, not to be graphic, but food is just going right through me. For the last few days it's been that way. I started my period today so that doesn't help things at all. Add to the fact that my eyes are kind of weird. I feel almost cross-eyed with tunnel vision or something. It's hard to explain. I had to get somebody to cover me for a few minutes at work so I could lay my head down and close my eyes, I felt dizzy.

I felt better when I went to my mom's house after work. Ate food. It's stayed with me, so far. I know, it's TMI but hey... sorry. Mom scratched my back. It's been so itchy because of the sunburn. And she put lotion on there for me. My mom is great.

But now that I'm staring at this computer monitor, the weird eyes thing is coming back. Grrr.

And just to show you how desperate I am to spend time with Jim, this is what I did today. He told me on Saturday that he'd tried to rent the first two Bourne movies but the video store was out of them. So,today I asked my mom if she had both or one of those movies. I thought she had them but no. But then I told her about this new package of the two movies together with an extra dvd of bonus stuff that with my discount comes to less than $20. I asked if she wants me to get it for her and she said "yes!" and gave me the money. So a few minutes ago I emailed Jim that my mom had let me borrow the two movies and does he want to watch them Tuesday night? Lordy. I am silly.

I'm also a master manipulator when I want to be. Good thing I'm not evil. Being the baby of the family though, I think that's where I get that ability. The funny thing is is that I've never been able to really use my power for evil. I could if I wanted to but my stupid conscious won't let me.

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Ryan Adams