Before I talk about Jim, I have to tell of this weird meet up that I had with the past. I was sitting there at the table in the bar and I was looking around. I saw this guy at the bar looking right at me and my memory banks filed quickly and I realized it was my other boss (Jeff L. being the other one), Tim B., from my nightclub days. He came over and gave me a big ol' hug and kissed me on the cheek. We sat and sort of caught up on things for about a half hour. He was so giddy and apologized. But he said he was so happy to see me. That I was such a big part of a great time of his life. He's married and has four kids now which blows my ever lovin' mind. Tim is about 7 years older than me, I think. He just kept looking at me with this big, slightly drunken, smile on his face. Our conversation dwindled down after he gave me his email and we listened to the music. I leaned over to talk to Jim and I sat back up and poof! Tim was gone. Jeff L. said Tim will do that. Tim will be drinking and whatnot and you look around "Where the hell did Tim go?!" Ha. It was very cool to see him.
Well, the purple kangaroo is staying in the corner a little bit longer, most likely munching on a shrimp from the barby.
But it's ok...for now. I really didn't want to go to the open mic tonight. But I knew that my absence would be conspiciuos and that I should just show my face. I got ready and reluctantly headed over to the bar while morosely listening to Teddy Thompson's latest cd "Upfront & Down Low", all covers of country standards. The perfect cd for my mood.
I pulled into the back of the bar where Jim usually parks and realized that he and Scott (his friend from out of town who went to the movies with us on Saturday) and Eston were getting out their band gear right at that momnet. Man. My timing. I sat in the car for a few seconds and gathered my courage. Jim had been walking across the short way to Eston's car but when he saw me he started walking backwards and came to give me a hug, asking me how I was. This was unexpected. I faltered and said "Oh, I'm ok, I guess". "Just ok? It's Tuesday night! You can't just be ok!" he replied to me. I saw that Alli was there and we greeted each other warmly as we always do. We all got into the bar and the guys sat their stuff off to the side since this guy with a guitar and another guy on drums were going on first.
I was a bit unsure of what to do. I was still feeling wounded. I sat down at our usual table and Jim and Alli sat down,too. We chatted a bit. Alli got up and went to talk to Eston's new g/f, Sarah. I asked Jim if he'd gotten a text from me on Saturday night after the movies. He said he hadn't. And that Alli had sent him a few lately that he'd not gotten. At first I tried to brush off that it didn't matter what I wrote. But then I said "It said, I am sorry". He frowned "What about?". I said "I felt like I was tagging along with your time with your friend. I thought you were annoyed or mad at me." He adamantly said that wasn't the case. For one thing, he and Scott had been drinking all day so he was probably just acting off anyway. And that he had just been puzzled why I'd want to go to the movie again. I told him that it had seemed like he didn't want me to go. But he once again said that wasn't the case.
I told him that when I came back to the bar to see the last band that I was glad that I'd gone to the movies cause there really wasn't anybody for me to hang out with that whole time. He replied "Well, then good. I'm glad you came to the movie instead."
Man. I do this shit all the time. Read so much more into things than what is there. He told me that I should just ask and not assume next time.
So their band went on and, if I didn't already heart Jim before, after seeing him bounce around playing the guitar...that was enough to send me over the edge. He was so cute up there. And so darn good on the guitar. I chastised him about how he shouldn't say he's not that good at it. Alli agreed about that.
He sang a couple of songs he'd written. Well, more like sing/talk and holy cow....again with the cute. After they were done and he sat down, I leaned over and said "You are so much cooler just being up there than Eston with all his Look At Me schtick." He liked that.
Alli left shortly after. She was getting up and coming over to say goodbye (Jim had gone outside) and I asked her "Did you drive yourself, Alli?" She said yes. "When was your last drink?" She said almost an hour ago and that I was sweet to ask and hugged me.
No. That was not me being sweet. That was me making sure that Jim wasn't leaving with her. I do so much like Alli and of course I don't want her to drink and drive. But my biggest concern was knowing that Jim was still there for a while.
Oh, but before she was leaving I mentioned to Jim about he and Alli possibly watching the Bourne movies with me on Friday night. So I think that's probably a go unless Alli has to work. She said she'd let me know if she can't.
Anyways...I sat with Jim for a while and then I helped he and Scott pack all their stuff up and put it away along with Scott's g/f. Once they were set to go, I told Scott and his g/f that it was good to meet them. His g/f came towards me with her hand outstretched and we shook hands. And I shook hands with Scott as well. So I go to go over to Jim and he jokingly puts out his hand, I pushed it away and said "Don't do that" with a laugh. We hugged tightly and I told him I would probably see him on Friday. He also pondered that he would see about getting out to karaoke on Thursday. I'm just so grateful to have his friendship. It means more to me than anything right now. And feeling unsure about his friendship was awful. One thing I know for sure. And that's he is my friend. And he cares about me. Likes spending time with me. And yes, I know that telling him of my feelings may ruin that but I do feel it is worth that risk. Besides, I still think we can continue to be friends after that. That's how sure I am of him now.
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