She opens her mouth to speak and what comes out's a mystery [ 2007-09-19, 12:53 a.m. ]

Another day that started fine but ends with me wondering about myself.

I was able to get to sleep by 10pm last night, miracle of miracles. With the help of a Rozerem and Benadryl (I had a major sinus headache). I got up a couple times in the night to go to the bathroom and the last time I got up I realized..."Oh darn. My alarm is going off in ten minutes." I hate that feeling! But I laid down anyway and waited till the last minute to pry myself out of bed to hop in the shower to wash my hair. Got to work at 6am though without any problem. Hurrah.

I was groggy all morning. Benadryl will do that to me. That kinda hungover feeling, I guess.

So I got off work at 2:30ish, went to my parents' place to wash clothes and eat my mom's homemade beef stew. Afterwards, I went to my sister's place to give her back all the collectibles stuff that I was supposed to help her and her b/f sell but just couldn't make myself find the time to do so. I gave her an orientation on how to sell on eBay and then left there at 8:30.

Got home a little bit later, put away clothes and got dressed to go to the bar to see Alli and Eston sing at open mic. But I think we all know why I was really going...Jim would be there. I got to the bar and there was no sign of Jim or Alli. I figured that they were coming a little later. I sat at the bar and asked Eston when he and Alli would be singing. He told me that she was having to work very early tomorrow morning so they would try to do it next Tuesday. Which...of course..meant that Jim wasn't coming either. I'm so fucking sick of that. Tell me, people who have been with their b/f for a while now... just because you have to go to bed early, does that also mean that your b/f couldn't go out to see his friends as originally scheduled? I don't get it. I mean..I'm having this feeling that Jim still feels so guilty about that whole thing with him and Brooke that he's overcompensating. I don't know. That's why he takes the abuse she hurls at him when she's drunk. Or even if she's not. Yes, they've known each other a very long time (since junior high). They've been together for 3 years. So of course they're still fond of each other...but I don't think they love each other anymore. She's so resentful (which, hey, I can't blame her but honey..break up with him if you're so pissed off still) and I think he's quite unhappy. But the last couple times I've seen him just haven't been the right time to ask him how he's really feeling.

Anywho..I left the bar at 11:30 and went home. Which was fine. Since Jim wasn't there I was bored silly. And there was hardly anyone there. I might go out to karaoke tomorrow night depending on how tired I am. I'm definitely going on Thursday, since I'm off on Friday.

It's been two days since I saw him. And I feel myself aching already.

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