I can't remember [ 2007-09-24, 12:01 a.m. ]

I guess this day hasn't been that bad. Work was pretty good. We were busy. I got stuff done. We made money. Always good. The Panthers won against the Falcons. I asked my parents if I could borrow one of their gas cards for my trip to D.C. My dad gave me two of them to use, just in case. That rocks.

But all day, I've had one person on my mind as usual. I know I could call him and say hi. But I don't. I sit over here wallowing in the loneliness. I'm fairly certain I'll see him on Tuesday night as long as Alli doesn't flake out again on singing with Eston at open mic. This is part of a message on myspace that I sent him a couple days ago:
On a personal note... I missed seeing you out on Tuesday. When I found out Alli wasn't singing with Eston that night, I sat through one of Eston's sets and took off. It was quite boring without you there. You couldn't have come out anyway? I feel you are retreating into hibernation lately. I'm trying to be the opposite. The more I spend time alone, the worse it is for me. And also, there's some stuff I want to talk about with you sometime soon. Perhaps we can get together next week to go over the Concrete Blonde song and think up another one to do. I'm always open for suggestion on that one since you're the one learning the chords. I just want to do a slow, sweet song,too. Anyway..talk to you soon, I suppose.


He didn't reply but that's not surprising. He can be a man of few words sometimes. I'm starting to deal with the fact that he'll never love me. But that doesn't stop me from wanting to be closer to him. I just miss him. I just do. Each day I don't talk to him is difficult. I know most will say that it will get easier. But I really don't want to stop feeling. I've done that before. Not feeling any strong emotion. It sucks. It hurts more than the pain I feel right now.

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Ryan Adams