On the one hand... [ 2007-09-27, 10:48 p.m. ]

I just sent this message to Jim on myspace:

I go to Washington,DC tomorrow. On the one hand, I'm excited since I've never been there before. But on the other hand..well, it's hard to explain but here goes. I hate being away from everybody even though I hardly see a lot of my friends (including you!) a lot of the time. I know you're there though sometimes that is small comfort when you won't come out of your cave and I don't know if you even want me to visit. There. I said it. You know how I am. I think you know how I am. I really shouldn't send this. My original intention was to send you this link : http://www.artofthemix.org/AOTMCommunity/profile.asp?intMemb
erID=690. It's for my profile on this website called Art of the Mix where you can post the songs/artists for different mixes you've made. I post every now and then since 2001ish. My name on there is Judois.

You know you were feeling on Tuesday about the anger? That was me today. Though most of the day was fine. But I left my parents house after visiting for dinner and I just burst out crying with frustration and loneliness. Fucking stupid emotionally handicapped me. I was close to just ramming my car and saying fuck it, I just don't care. It came out of fucking nowhere those thoughts. And I hate it. I just sat in my car in the driveway when I got home and listened to the silence and just wondered why.

So yea. I'd like to talk to you when I come back this weekend. I'll be back by early evening on Sunday, I think.

I'll be with all these familiar but not strangers this weekend and I know it'll be good for me. But I really need some quality Jim time. And I know you have your own problems. Really, I know this. I do. But I'm a needy friend. Sorry.


(like if I hadn't signed this you wouldn't have recognized the crazy factor)

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Ryan Adams