This is what I wrote a couple days ago over on myspace in my blog:
I should not have watched the ending of Cruel Intentions because I'm now rather melancholy. That Counting Crows' song Colorblind is too damn heartbreaking.
I have studiously avoided watching love story movies the last month because they just kill me. It hurts. It just plain hurts me. I would rather watch violent/scary/horror movies than watch a love story. Which isn't how it's always been. But I realized that with the way I've been feeling about things for the last few months that it was just as well for me not to watch a love story. It reminds me of what I don't have. And of what I want. Or whom I want.
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And this is the comment my clueless boy left:
nice... the Counting Crows SUCK, but that song at that place in that movie is pretty perfect.
And, except for Selma Blair, one of the best casts of "talent" ever assembled.
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Men are so clueless. Cute, charming, warm. And he's so clueless.
I was just talking to him by IM for a little while tonight. I asked him what was up with Thanksgiving for him. Turns out Alli is going to Costa Rica to be with Brooke. His mom is coming through town tomorrow but leaving Thursday morning to go to Atlanta to be with Jim's sister, who is getting a divorce. Then on Friday Jim is going there to help his sister move. So he'll be basically by himself on Thursday. I told him I was going to bring him by a plate of food from dinner. I invited him to come to my sisters' place for Thanksgiving dinner (which will be at 1pm) but he declined. He said he would like the time by himself. But he thanked me for the thought. Like myself, he spends too much time alone. Therefore, I told him..this is the plan. I will bring you food. Of course, hating to be pinned down, he's like..make sure you call first in case I've decided to go out.
I then told him..fine. but make sure you ACTUALLY ANSWER YOUR PHONE! He's notorious for turning it off.
Anyway, it will be cool to see him and just chill for a bit.
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Work today sucked. I was tired. I kept myself busy but still. I was anxious to get out of there. Then, when my boss came in for her closing shift (I opened) and I was leaving and ducked my head into the managers' office wherer she, Tracy, Caleb and Laurel were. She immediately comes at me with a question about something that really should not have been asked right then and there. I don't even want to get into it. It's stupid and I'm sick and tired of feeling picked upon because I like to make people laugh. Even if I get a bit outrageous sometimes, I'd never offend somebody. Not on purpose and I don't usually say anything inappropriate around people whose humor is less uninhibited.
So I felt attacked and she was real bitchy in her attitude about it. I'm trying to leave and she's all harpy towards me. So I went to the bathroom and cried. Left work with sunglasses on and cried in the car. Sick. Of. It.
I want to be in a company where people aren't so goddamn touchy about everything. Take a joke, for crying out loud. If I could find another job I really liked and that would pay me close to what I make, I'd take it in a second. I hate feeling like I have to be on my best behavior. I don't know how to do it but I'll be all stone cold if she wants that. Fuck it.
I leave with this thought. I have tomorrow off. I'm gong to the karaoke bar tomorrow night. And I get to see Jim on Thursday. That's all I want to think about.
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