Hey. You. Get off of my cloud. [ 2008-02-05, 9:28 p.m. ]

I just wrote this on the message board I frequent. I don't feel like typing it all out again so here it is.

If anybody saw that post I made last week about a "friend" that I've always thought is a bit hypochondriacal, well, she's also one whose personality can be a bit toxic to be around. She's a pretty negative person so therefore her friendships are not many. I've known her for 18 years off and on. We've gone a couple years without seeing or emailing before. This past summer she started inviting me to go see movies with preview passes. I was grateful that she would ask me to go and always thank her afterwards. A few weeks ago, I did leave because the movie was delayed getting to the theatre and would've been close 5 hours of sitting. I just can't do that. So I left explaining to her but telling her I hope she would enjoy it.

Then a couple days ago she sent me a message on Facebook asking if I wanted to see the new Martin Lawrence movie. She had a preview pass. I told her I would take a pass on going to see it. And I wrote "Yes,I'm picky about free things" which was meant as a self-deprecating remark. Well, she lamblasted me with this long rant about how I pick and choose what I want to see (rarely true) and that this was supposed to be a two-way street. She goes to a couple of websites to get these passes and I have gone to one but can't really figure out how it all works. I never meant to be selfish about it. And yes, I neglected to say "thank you" about the offer for the Martin Lawrence movie but this does not mean I'm an awful person. Back in the day when we hung out more, I was working at the nightclub. Often I would let her in free because we were allowed to do that for one friend each time we worked. The owners thought she was taking advantage of me by seeing all these bands free. I would poopoo the thought and defended. Now, I'm getting this shit thrown at me.

She ended her rant by saying she hoped she wasn't hurting my feelings and that she' sure (hopefully) that the intent of the way I have treated her wasn't done on purpose.

I replied "Good God. No, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings but you damn well hurt mine." Then I deleted her from my Facebook friends because I am so pissed off I was crying.

Sorry this is so long. I just had to let it out. I also had a passing acquantance (I can't even spell that word) on myspace and whom I sort of know from the karoake bar send me a message saying "Thanks for the no reply to my long email" What? I had only asked her why she'd gotten fired from Target. She sends me this very long explanation about how she was talked to by a manager about how nobody likes to work with her. She had left the store all mad and had jerked open a door so hard that she put a hole in the wall. They fired her for vandalism. Last week was my vacation. I had no energy for trying to form a sentence for her. 3 days after is when she sent me that comment. So,yes, I'm a bit sensitive and starting to think I'm an awful awful friend. I'm not. I know this. I can be self-involved as much as the next person. But crap. I'm not awful. I hope.

I just feel like telling people to fuck off if they expect some great friendship from me. I have my own problems I'm trying to deal with. I have a few close friends (both of those above are not included in this) that I work to keep in touch with and that's it. Sometimes it feels like work but I love these people so it's worth it to me.

Anyway, I watched the last 15 minutes of American Idol tonight and the last kid who auditioned tonight, the one who was living in his car, made me smile and weep with happiness for him when he got voted through. It's small things like that can brighten your day.

Today at work was a good one, I think. I got a solid 8 hours of sleep. Got some things done because it was dead as a doornail. So..slow.... Then I went to my psychiatrist to check in with how my Paxil is doing. I told him about how low my energy is still and that last week on vacation I got nothing done outside of that day that my mom and sis came over. Hell, the mop is still in the bucket of pine sol in the bathroom. That's how hard it is for me. If I'm alone I can't get anything done. He is now going to put me on Welbutrin in addition to my Paxil. It's supposed to help energy and attention span. I need help on both badly. In a few weeks I'll see him again to see how it's working.

Oh and one last thing. I bought a digital camera off of eBay. It's a Kodak easyshare which I think is usually close to $200. I got it for $100 and just had to toss in a bit of my own money because I used my birthday money for most of it. I can't wait to get it and to start using it.

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