My eyes are like shades, don't look to my soul [ 2008-04-02, 4:46 p.m. ]

I feel so out of touch not writing in here. I've got things on my mind but not enough time sitting here at my parents' house to be able to remember them all.

I am trying my best to not contact Jim. At least, not right away. I sent him a message on myspace last week but because he was on vacation I guess he didn't check till today. He wrote me back saying he'd cleaned out his voicemail (I'd told him I couldn't leave a message the last time I called).

I feel like I'm killing myself with food right now. I can't have what I really want. Money is still tight, of course. And I just get tired so easily lately. Partially because I was really sick last week but also because I feel disconnected from everything. Too tired and disheartened to go the bar. I'm thinking of going tomorrow night when I get off work since I'm off on Friday. Haven't seen Charlie since forever and I think more of the regulars are there, maybe. Most likely my body will send up a protest and demand for me to just go home, get in my jammies and sack out on the chaise. Or just go straight to bed.

Ok, I'll close this now. Promise to write more often. Miss you guys.

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Ryan Adams