Return to Sender [ 2009-10-12, 7:17 p.m. ]

Oy. I finally sent Brooks an email today instead of using fucked Facebook. I just stated that I needed to know if he wanted to go with me so I could RSVP for the head count. Not completely true (though they do want one) but I was tired of not knowing. He wrote back quickly saying that he had sent messages on FB to a few other friends who hadn't gotten them either. Weird. But ok. He said that no, that he didn't want to go since he doesn't even want to go to his own reunion and that high school holds not that many fond memories for him either. And for me to not take it personally but he did hope to see me when I was there. I wrote back saying that no I wasn't taking it personally. And hopefully we will see each other.

I don't know what to think about what he even thinks of me. I'm going to make myself not care anymore. I know high school sucked for me. I know there were plenty of crappy moments for me. I was overweight. People still make fun of you in high school not just junior high, when it was worse. I moved in the middle of my senior year. And not just moved but disappeared with my family while we hid out from creditors. I almost didn't graduate from my new school because of a shortage on credits. I had to take an extra class in the afternoon with all the girls who had been out because of having a baby. (though they were some nice girls so that wasn't a judgement).

Anyway, I'm kinda sick of people talking about how much they hated high school. With Kathy bailing on me...I'm kinda bitter. Now, if there were a junior high school reunion..I would never go to that. I was made fun of so much. Not by everyone but enough to where my depression, that I wasn't diagnosed with but looking back on realize that I had, just got worse. It got bad again when we moved in my senior year.

So...if I see him..that's fine. If not, then at least I know there are people at the reunion that I can hang out with. Thank God for Facebook for that.

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Ryan Adams