So... Man. I'm tired. But I feel I should update.
Ok, then. Friday. Sigh. Friday was a harried mess of trying to get on the road to Raleigh.
I had a million errands to run since I hadn't had a day off in six days and it was payday so a lot of that had to wait for payday. I won't go into the details because it makes me more tired to think about it.
Got on the road right at 2pm. Made it to Kathy's around 4:30ish. Her husband, Robert, was out of town for a few days on business so it was just us girls and a bunch of cats.
When we got ready to go to dinner and then to see Charles' band, I put on jeans, my red/white Converses and a kinda hippie dippie shirt that I like. I looked not too bad, I guess. Sometimes I think I do and then later..eh.
We ate dinner and then went to a place called the Berkeley Cafe in Raleigh. As Charles told me later in the evening "It's like a country version of CBGB's" Which I had to reply "Um. That's what the C stands for in CBGB's". He then said "Well, yea. You didn't have to call me out like that!" while laughing. I can't help myself. It's what I do.
The place wasn't quite open yet when we got there so we went to a local coffee place for a short bit. Came back at 8pm and got in. Not too many patrons there yet. We found a table off to the side in the main music room while I nursed a draft beer. After a few minutes, the band came in with what I thought was Charles but I wasn't sure. He'd shaved his beard! He sat down and I gave him a side hug which clonked our heads together. I'm smooth.
Let me just say this. He was cute with the beard. He is fucking adorably cute without it. Holy crap.
Anyway. We talked about various things, mainly music and such. The band went on shortly after 9pm and they sounded great. Really great. Kathy bought the two cds they have. And Charles gave us both stickers. Which as soon as it stops raining around here it will go on my car.
The main act went on and neither Kathy nor I were too impressed and it had been a long day for Kathy since she'd worked on Friday. I flagged down Charles and told him we'd be going. He opened up his arms and I dived right in. I ended up rooting my head and snuggled into his chest. Sigh. That was nice.
He told me they'd be playing Roanoke again on Dec.16th and I left a note with Maria about possibly staying with her so I could see him again.
Saturday was total relaxation. Kathy and I watched "The Proposal" on dvd. I thought it was cute. If it hadn't been for the stars it wouldn't have been as good, I'm sure. But I liked it.
So, I went back on Sunday with some rain greeting me the closer I got to Charlotte. I am so tired of this rain. Seriously tired of it. Bleh. Bleh. Bleh.
Last night was the store's Holiday meeting which went fine but it meant I was there from 8:30pm to 11:30pm. On my last weekend off for a while.
When I got home I didn't sleep, of course. I was looking at the postsecret.com site and came across a secret that reminded me of me from over two years ago and of Jim. The secret was "Last November you convinced me not to kill myself. I just wanted to say thank you" or something like that. I sent that to Jim with the explanation that he helped me so much through a rough period and had a lot to do with me still being here. I think that kind of floored him. He wrote back and basically said that he hoped everything was still ok with me. I wrote him back tonight explaining that they are usually. And when I think of suicide, which isn't often, I know it's really an escape that I want.
It made me go back and look at the myspace blogs that I used to a lot. And you can just see my emotions going on a rollercoaster. And reading my entries here from that time..well, ya know. Sometimes I feel I haven't changed which sucks. What with all my verklempting last week about feeling ignored which was totally crap.
Gah. I create so much inner drama for myself, don't I? But I'm so happy I saw Charles again. Inner drama or no. He's a sweet boy. Man, I mean. He is 37 after all. I'm the one who's the kid really. Emotionally and experience wise. Someday..I will be released.
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