I really hate your ass right now [ 2010-11-17, 5:59 p.m. ]

I really don't have much to say. I still have the pt job at Bath & Body Works. Not getting many hours. Even the day after Thanksgiving, Black Friday, I'm only on call which means no guaranteed hours. Of all days to not get guaranteed hours!

I interviewed last week at Panera but haven't heard back after the second interview. They're opening a new location in the uptown area so that would be a neat place to work. But since it's now Wednesday, I don't hold much hope.

I started out all gung-ho about doing NaNoWriMo this year but my wordcount is only just over 9000. I'm way behind and have no fire to continue. I don't know. I should remedy this lethargy from the depression myself but it's hard to prod oneself when you aren't on medication. Which reminds me... because I haven't been able to pay a bill that's less than $100 to the psychiatrist's office group (it's one of those offices that has several therapists and psychiatrists) they have now told me that I can't ever come back there. Even I pay the bill. Way to tell me to fuck off after 3 years. That's really good for my mental health.

I was lying in bed the other night/morning trying to think of anything in my life that I have to look forward to. And I came up with nothing. I'm poorer than poor. Overdrawn in my checking account. I think I have $2 in my wallet. That's it. I'm wallowing and I can't rely on my parents to help me anymore. I live with them. That's about all they can afford to do for me. I know I've said this before...but I truly hate my life right now.

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Ryan Adams