Don't tell a soul [ 2006-01-19, 3:28 a.m. ]

I had a nice meltdown after my last entry. There are certain things in my life..actually one in particular that I never talk about here. So when I say that I'm depressed, that's what I'm depressed about. It's nothing to do with my age in particular. It's more to do with this one aspect of my life that I never talk about. I know it's my diary and I can say whatever I want but it's also a public diary and therefore people would feel free to comment about whatever I was talking about.

I don't mean to be cryptic. But I'm sure there are certain facets of everybody's life that they don't talk about in their diary. Little deep dark secrets that they would never want to put into this little white box for everyone to read. The few people I've told in my life..well, it's never been easy. And I always feel like I'm maybe treated a bit differently afterwards. Because none of them understand it. None of them do. It's not their fault.

I'm over the meltdown for now but I was just sobbing and sobbing and hating my life for a while there. It isn't a major tragedy to anyone but me. But that's enough, I guess. Nobody else lives my life for me. So I get to have the highs and lows. Tonight was a low. Once again. But I watched Layer Cake and it distracted me enough to lighten up. Thank God for escapism. How would I get through my life without it? I don't want to know.

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Ryan Adams