Stop freaking me out [ 2006-11-13, 10:46 p.m. ]

I had a bizarre dream a few minutes ago when I drifted off.

It starts where I'm in the bathroom of a nightclub. I'm leaning against the door because for some reason it won't lock. I'm trying to blow my nose, I don't know if I've been crying or what. Finally, the door gives way and I leave the bathroom. I walk out of the club and towards my car and realize that I've left my purse back in the bathroom.

I start almost running back in and stop when a guy grabs me. In my dream, I think it's the bouncer just wanting to see my handstamp but it isn't. It's some guy starting to grope me and kissing me and telling me how much I'm going to like it. I'm fending him off and finally bite him on the nose, drawing blood. He lets go of me and I frantically go into the club while screaming at him to leave me alone. I see these guys coming out and think they'll help but they're also giving girls a bad time.

I race past them and look back at the guy and he's seriously pissed off and coming at me fast. All of a sudden I'm in a hallway where a couple of people are looking through a viewing window at what looks at first to be some kind of kid's show. But then I see two men in masks and machine guns (looking like the guys you see who have taken hostages in Iraq) standing behind the glass, too. The two people standing there watching this and myself are just staring. I say "When will ever be able to stop being afraid?" and start crying. Then the guy from before comes into the hallway and starts yelling. The people beside me start talking to the gunmen, who say "Is this what you live with? Are you really so safe?".

Then we are in a kitchen which seems to be behind where the kid show room was. I have my purse back and I'm looking through it for whatever reason. There are other people's ids in my wallet which a guy working for the club asks me about. I don't know where they came from and the guy guesses I was holding them for other people since I'm old enough to be some of the people's mothers.

Then I woke up.

I hate my subconscious. Why in the hell is it trying to scare me away from men? I like men. I'm a virgin, yes. But I'm not afraid of being forced. There's other things I'm afraid, obviously. But I don't usually have these kind of dreams and they seem more frequent lately.

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Ryan Adams