And so this Christmas..and what have you done? [ 2006-12-25, 12:49 a.m. ]

What can I say? It has been one of those very long Christmas Eve's. It started at 6:30am with very little sleep. I had one of those nights where I just didn't feel sleepy. So there was a lot of staring at the ceiling.

Work didn't start off too busy but really picked up once the church crowd came in. Saturday was the most my dept. has done since we opened. And today we were pulling in 18% of the store's business. Pretty high numbers. Also, last week my dept. beat sales plan by 55%. Yay!!

On my lunch break I was scurrying around the mall trying to finish up my shopping for the other managers. I somehow forgot two of my fellow managers (!!) and had to get my crap together quickly. I gave Candi a gift card to B@th & Body, Roxi got a Hot T0pic gift card and the rest got Blockbust-er gift cards. I also made Candi a terrific mix of some newer tunes. She gave me on Saturday a $50 i-Tunes gift card!!!! I already spent $30 of it and I'd have spent it all if I'd had time. I bought the latest Beck, the Killers and Damien Rice.

There was this guy in my dept. looking at cds and dvds who was kind of a cute nerdy/indie rocker type. Glasses, floppy hair and cool clothes. Just my type. I talked to him a couple of times. And I kept somehow catching his eye. Then I saw him meet up with his mom in the dept. and I thought to myself "holy cow. how old is he?!". I swear he looked college age. And he probably was. But damn,guys. Stop looking so cute.

My work crush continues. Though I never got a chance to see him today. I still find moments on other days to see him in the receiving room. He definitely brightens the day.

I finished wrapping presents tonight after my 'rents went to bed. I'm over at their place tonight so we can exchange presents in the morning. Then on Tues. afternoon, my sis from out of town, Christy, and her husband, Kevin, come into town. And then all of the sisters and nephews/nieces exchange presents. As well as my parents giving presents. It's Festivus time.

I was feeling very tired when I got over to my parents' house. They were still at Mandy (my other sister)'s house for her little xmas-eve shindig. I begged off because of the level of tiredness I was feeling. So I got here and I realized that work was worrying me. I think after this very long year that it is very hard for me to know where I stand with Candi. So damn hard. I think any of you who read my entries last winter/spring can understand. She's been great during this holiday season but I know that once it's over, it's game on time. I will have to get all the shit together that we had to let go because of the crazy busy time. And I feel such pressure on myself. It isn't like I don't think I can do it. I know I can. But the tiredness got to me and I started blubbering. I really can't wait to be able to see all my family together and to forgot work worry for a few hours. I also need to just go out more once the season is over. That's another thing that's missing. I haven't socialized hardly at all.

Anyway...I want to wish all of you a Merry Christmas. Whether you celebrate it or not, just take a few moments to enjoy some peace.

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Ryan Adams