I wish I was the moon tonight [ 2011-04-29, 12:30 a.m. ]

For the past week I've been keeping up with the health of an acquaintance of mine that I know through April. He is somebody I see at parties or concerts that I go to with April and the gang. He was always so funny. Made me laugh.

But he was dealing with high blood pressure and something went wrong. They had to operate on his heart last week and he'd been in the hospital ever since. He never got better. I found out today when I got home from going to a movie that he had died. I just can't believe it. He was only 41. And looking at his Facebook page you can see his personality come through. Brash,silly,loving music and photography. And now he's gone. I did not know him well. I wish I had. The outpouring of emotion for him on his Facebook page is tremendous. This is the first time I've had this experience. Where somebody I actually knew died and then their Facebook page became a virtual gathering place.

I hope to be able to go to his funeral or wake. Don't know when that is yet though.

I'm not afraid of death. I'm afraid of the ultimate pain beforehand,sure. But I'm more afraid of the people I truly love and care about dying before me. I don't even want to think about right now. I've already cried. I have to get my mind off of this. Clear my head.

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Ryan Adams