The other shoe [ 2003-11-11, 1:35 a.m. ]

Well, I did it. I emailed that guy in Statesville like I wanted to the other day. I told him I was having major car problems and might not be able to afford to go to Atlanta. And he should find another way of going if he didn't have a car himself. I'm glad I sent it. This way I can go by myself if I decide to go at all. Honestly, I don't know what is wrong with me. I was so excited to go all this time. But the thought of going to all this trouble to go down there ...its just wearing me out thinking of it. Christ. I'm only 37..not 73.

I was at work today and got a bad TMJ headache. It hurt like hell and I couldn't concentrate on the paperwork I needed to do. I felt like if I tried I would probably throw up. So, I'm wandering around the store and I am thinking about how often people come in here looking for a confrontation with a manager. I really expect one day for somebody to pull out a gun and just waste me. I don't know why I think that. I feel like I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Something truly awful to happen. And sometimes I feel like I just want to happen. To get it over with. I don't want to die necessarily but I'm tired right now. This TMJ headache is still with me and it just makes me want to bury my head. It just plain sucks.

I'm off tomorrow which was a surprise to me. I thought I was off on Wednesday. My mom and I are going to go the Southern Christmas Show later this week when I get off work. I won't have much money to spend really but it does help to get one in the old Christmas spirit. And obviously I need that.

Lately my entries have seemed very whiny and I'm sorry about that. I'm sure soon I'll be more positive. I've no idea when that will happen though.

The Panthers won yesterday. That's a great thing. Made my weekend off even better.

Later, folks.

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