There goes the fear again [ 2005-04-26, 10:45 p.m. ]

God. I have got to get my sleeping schedule to be more normal. I know my diary is called "An Insomniac Speaks" but good grief. Yesterday, I fell asleep at about 5:30pm and woke up around 11pm. Which means I didn't get to sleep till almost 5am me about an hour of sleep. Whoopedoo!!

I don't know how the hell I dragged myself through the day. But I was pretty productive somehow someway. I was trying to shelve a bunch of books in a section that has been very tight. Since I've been doing this kind of thing for so long, I knew how to get it to work. Finally, at about 3pm, I rolled the cart back to the receiving room. I told our receiver that I had been able to get most of the books on the shelve so he would be able sort them on the cart again. He does his usual sarcastic.."Oh, good. Now I can fill it back up again." I stopped and said "You know what I would like to hear? That's great,Judith.Thank you." He saw I was serious and said sincerely "Thank you,Judith." Then he concluded that I was having a hard day. I turned away on the verge of tears and said I was just tired.

Which is mainly what it was. I went into the cashroom and silently cried some more. Then I pulled myself together after a couple of minutes. It was tiredness, worry and frustration. I keep thinking about the fact that I can't stay on in a job that I find satisfying in small ways but one that I don't feel appreciated at all. I know I've mentioned my feeling of being overwhelmed and it hasn't really gone away. I do feel so alone in all this. I try to be positive but when your physical state gets worn down..its hard to keep that up. I've been getting tons of calls on my phone from creditors that I never answer or call back. What the hell would I tell them anyway?

Ok. Anyway.

I hate whining about something that I don't seem to be doing anything about. I'm hoping that with a good night's sleep tonight that I will work on my resume tomorrow. I'm off tomorrow which is a definite good thing for my mental/physical state. I'm also off this weekend which is very nice.

Less than two weeks till Ryan Adams. Yay for that.

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