Great Expectations [ 2005-08-30, 11:20 a.m. ]

My 13 hour day on Sunday pretty much blew for the most part. I ended up crying on my way home I felt so tired and frustrated.

I think the tiredness just fueled the frustration. I felt unappreciated by new manager,Candi,and had nobody to vent to. So therefore..crying.

The thing with Candi is that she's so damn gung-ho about all these changes that have to occur pronto that you can feel like you're being steamrolled. I know we have a deadline so it really isn't her fault. It's kinda like wanting to kill the messenger. But I'm human and part of me does feel resentful that she's coming in and making all these changes. Most are required but some are not. A few things I feel like she's changing just for the sake of changing. Not necessarily because they matter.

Yesterday I was in charge of making sure the new calendar fixture was in place. Which I'd never done before. It involves getting these "waterfall" fixtures to fit just right into the bargain fixtures. Unfortunately,we have old fixtures and the waterfalls are just short of being able to just click into place. Plus,they're heavy.
I attempted to do one myself but that wasn't working. Then I enlisted a male bookseller who is older but then I had the bright idea to wait for another male bookseller who is younger. I had those two figure it out. Which they did and thanks to them,Candi gave me some praise this morning for getting that whole thing completed. I did give them full credit though.

Anyway,this morning was the manager meeting (since Candi is still at anothe store,the usual Monday meeting is now on Tues.for the time being). She was going over a bunch of things like a couple write-ups that she was going to give to a couple of employees. Then she mentioned that she was giving all the managers a lot of important tasks that had to be completed by Friday. She said that if she was going to write up these other employees for not doing their job,she would have to do the same for us.
Ok. Way to motivate. Thanks a hell of a lot.

Is it my imagination or is there a sword over my head?

I have 3 big things to complete plus I need to do 5 rough drafts of performance reviews. This is all by Friday. Meaning I have today (I go in at 4pm but will probably go in at 3pm),tomorrow and Thursday. The rough drafts aren't really due to till Sept.13th but I go on vacation starting Friday and come back on the 12th. So therefore,gotta get those done. I'm figuring I'll stay later on Wednesday & Thursday. I was scheduled to work 12-6:30 on Wednesday(shorter shifts because of Sunday's long shift)and 7-2:30 on Thursday. If I can get the tasks she assigned done today and tomorrow and part of Thurs. maybe, then I can do those rough drafts on Thursday afternoon. Wish me luck.

Yesterday I went over to my parents' house because we were celebrating my Dad's 70th birthday. It's really today but I was closing and my Dad works as well as would my sister,Mandy. So I got off at 2:30 and headed over.

It's weird to know that my Dad was about my age when I was 10 years old. Weird. To recall very well the age you were and how you thought your Dad was so old. We were living in Jacksonville,FL at the time. And while my parents' lives were stressful because of money, as a kid I loved living there.

I turn 40 in January and I've already started thinking about it. I'm trying to not freak. But really...40. It's just a number but it is kinda scary. All those expectations you had as a teenager of where'd you be in life at that age. Expectations. Now those are scary.

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Ryan Adams