You can't always get what you want but if you try sometimes, you just might find..You get what you need [ 2006-02-19, 8:17 p.m. ]

I left work today just feeling an overwhelming urge to cry. I went to the grocery store and got some things, went out to the car and started crying. For me, it's usually a release. I think I was really feeling, and still sort of am, stress from work because we aren't meeting payroll goals and I'm worried about that. Then I was feeling lots o' pain in my left ankle again and I was also thinking of the surgery for my ear. I have too much on my mind.

The crying did help a little. I don't know if it's a girl thing or what but just because women cry more than men doesn't mean it doesn't help. But I was still feeling very tired and somewhat down. I wanted to call my sister, Christy, though to let her know about the Gulfport trip and the surgery. So I gathered myself and called her.

I love my sister. Talking to her about things just made me feel so much better. When I'm feeling like I was feeling I have a hard time reaching out to talk somebody to ease the lonliness. But talking really helped. We talked for about 45 minutes. I can't wait to go visit them at the beginning of June. I was hoping to go before then but I think life will get in the way. I'll just have to visit again later in the year or something.

I think I'm going to make it an early night. I definitely need a good solid night's sleep.

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Ryan Adams